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‘Avengers: Infinity War’: Is Thanos Actually the Hero?

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Avengers: Infinity War is in the process of tearing the global box office a new butthole, having just topped the decidedly evil sum of… one billion dollars. Along the way, lots of people are getting an eyeful of Thanos, the Mad Titan. So we’re here to tell you that you might have misjudged our big purple boy — Thanos may just actually be the hero of Infinity War, not the villain. (If you somehow still haven’t seen the film, then, uh, yeah, obviously, spoilers follow.)

5. Overpopulation is spoooooky

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Look, we’re not going to take a stance on overpopulation, because hoo boy, we do not want you to @ us. That said, Thanos is a highly educated fancy boy, well-versed in socioeconomic issues on a universal scale! He knows all about phrases like “allocation of resources”, and while he does want to wipe out half of existence, he wants to do it at random! And be, like, a totally benevolent dictator to the other half! Does that sound like a bad guy to you?

4. He’s a dad trying to win back the love of his daughters

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Over the course of two Guardians of the Galaxy films, as well as this one, we’ve come to find out that Thanos’ daughters, Gamora and Nebula, hate his stupid purple guts. How can we possibly hate a dad that has drifted apart from his little girls? Sure, he threatened to completely pull Nebula apart in his quest for the Soul Stone, but some people would call that tough love! And, okay, yeah, there’s the part where he threw Gamora off of a cliff. But he also cried about it a bunch! Heroic stuff, right?

3. He’s a homeless space vagrant trying to find his place in the multiverse

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Thanos’ home planet, Titan, was ravaged due to overpopulation and a scarcity of resources, turning it into a barren wasteland. Now he’s just cruising around from planet to planet, trying to save them from the same fate. Imagine if somebody lost their home, and then went around from neighborhood to neighborhood, cleaning up houses for no cost at all! And I guess sometimes killing half of the people in that house with a snap of his fingers. But still making it look really nice! This poor guy doesn’t have a roof over his head, and he’s still doing the Lord’s work.

2. His best buds look out for him

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In Infinity War, Thanos is accompanied by the Children of Thanos (known as the Black Order in the comics), a band of aliens that herald his coming and basically do a whole bunch of pre-killing so he doesn’t have to mess up his manicure. These cats are willing to fight, and more importantly, die for Thanos! Y’all, if that’s not #SquadGoals, I don’t know what is.

1. He appreciates some good-ass bling

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Let’s call a spade a spade — Thanos is a little ostentatious with his jewelry preferences. I mean, look at the Infinity Gauntlet. The thing is massive, and with each gem a different color? It’s eccentric, it’s loud, but it’s so HIM. Thanos is the Kanye of intergalactic despots, and we all know Kanye is the hero of HIS story. Both he and Thanos just want to rock a little bit of ice while they kick back and watches the sunset (after disintegrating our favorite superheroes, obviously).

Can you snap as good as Thanos? Let me know on Twitter!

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