Avril Lavigne Is Engaged to Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger?!
Hurricane Katrina. 9/11. Predator drone strikes against Pakistani civilians. The world can seem like a pretty random, cruel place sometimes. But every once in a while. something happens that makes you realize that yes, there is some balance. Maybe the universe does make sense. Yesterday we learned that Avril Lavigne has been dating and is now engaged to Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger.
I hate that I know his actual name.
This is going to be the first marriage for Nickelback and the second for Lavigne, who was married from 2006 until 2009 to Sum41 frontman Deryck Whibley. Wait, so Avril Lavigne is jumping from Sum41 to Nickelback?
Who is she, me trying to figure out my identity in ninth grade?
The announcement was made on the birthday of one Brody Jenner, a guy who dated Lavigne for over two years and is famous for, as far as I can tell, being the step-brother of the Kardashians and creating a reality show about how sh*tty a human being is. So the timing of the announcement is either a sad coincidence for Jenner or a huge slap in the face from Lavigne. Either way, anyone who creates and executive produces a show called “The Princes of Malibu” and goes on to star in it himself can never have enough bad things happen to him.
Pictured: Brody Jenner not feeling nearly enough pain.
Sure, it’s easy to make fun of this engagement, seeing as how Avril Lavigne is kind of stupid and Nickelback is literally the worst thing since sliced poison bread. But even though the only thing either of them has ever contributed to the world is garbage, and even though it’s easy to view them as nothing more than garbage, don’t they deserve a moment of happiness? I say, congratulations Avril Lavigne and Nickelback! I wish you both many happy years together and a life full of joy! Really, this couldn’t have happened to two bigger pieces of human garbage.
If you’d like to send Avril Lavigne and Nickelback a gift, they’re registered at THE DUMPSTER.
Are you happy for the stupid couple? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!