Very Best of FMyLife
Sometimes, life sucks so hard, there's only one thing to say… F My Life! That's where FMyLife.com comes in, collecting worst moments of our existance in one place. Here are some of the best FML moments this week!
Instill my dominance!
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that!" And then my sister in law walked in. FML
Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML
Worst wedding ever
Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML
Is this seat taken?
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML
I love you, Ted
Today, I got a message from my girlfriend saying "I love you." I replied, intending to say "I love you too", but my T9 settings 'corrected' it to "I love you Ted". She now thinks I'm cheating on her with a guy by the name of Ted. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML
No, I am your father!
Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
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