5 Bizarre Cameos From Santa Claus in Video Games
The holidays are here, everybody! Be sure to stress out about what to buy for your loved ones until time inevitably runs out and everybody gets Chili’s gift cards. And along with the holidays comes our favorite home invader, Santa Claus. But little did you know that Santa’s been invading GAMING CONSOLES for years! Here are five bizarre cameos from Santa Claus (or “Santa Claus”) in video games.
Clayfighter 63 ⅓
Look, the Clayfighter games don’t hold up very well, as there have been a million better fighting games that have come out since. But the novelty still remains, especially when you consider SUMO SANTA, which is… well, exactly what he sounds like. It’s like they always say: even if a game’s quality doesn’t survive the test of time, a half-naked Santa Claus always will.
In Bully: Scholarship Edition, we’re introduced to a charming fellow named Rudy, a drunk, belligerent hobo who truly believes he’s Santa Claus. But if Miracle on 34th Street taught us anything, it’s that all you need to do is believe!
ToeJam & Earl
ToeJam & Earl was a fantastic game, memorable enough to be name-dropped in a Childish Gambino lyric. But did you know that it ALSO featured a Santa Claus who flew around on a freaking jet pack? And he would drop presents for you if you were stealthy enough to sneak up on him? Oh, you did? Well, crap. Sorry to have wasted your time.
Secret of Mana
SPOILER ALERT FOR A 23 YEAR-OLD GAME, Y’ALL. In 1993’s The Secret of Mana, you’re recruited by none other than Rudolph himself to save Santa Claus from a giant blue creature named Frost Gigas. Destroy you must, and destroy you DO! Players beat the holy snot out of Frost Gigas until he finally reveals that, WOMP WOMP, he was Santa all along. He only turned into this big mean dude because kids didn’t believe anymore! Now don’t YOU feel like a turd?
Dead Rising 4
Okay, so we’ve got drunk hobo Santa, jet-pack Santa, half-naked sumo wrestler Santa, what in the world could we be missing? Oh yeah, a MURDEROUS Santa Claus. Dead Rising 4 features Sadistic Claus, a delusional mall employee hell-bent on killing Frank West. To officially make this the greatest Santa game appearance of all-time, you can dress Frank up as an elf before you murder this fake-Santa, prompting him to drop an ELECTRIC AXE. God bless us, every one.
What should Kris Kringle “kameo” in next? Let me know on Twitter!