Funny Articles

BOYCOTT ‘Shadow of the Tomb Raider’ (By Winston, The Butler Everyone Locked Up In ‘Tomb Raider 2’)

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On September 14, 2018, Square Enix shall publish Shadow of the Tomb Raider, the latest entry depicting the exploits of treasure hunter Lara Croft. I know her story well. You see, my name is Winston Smith, and I have been the Crofts’ personal butler for many generations. When little Lara was born, I was excited to care for her, as I cared for the Crofts before her. But now… now I am asking you to boycott her latest adventure. Please, do not buy Shadow of the Tomb Raider. Why, you ask? Is it something to do with the content of the game itself, or the developers? Well, not exactly…

I hope I have convinced you. And if you are willing to participate in this boycott, please post on Twitter, using the hashtag, #BoycottShadowOfTheTombRaiderBecauseLaraCroftsButlerWinstonHasBeenHabituallyAbusedForMostIfNotAllOfHisTenure. Oh, but first, you look hungry. Let me get you some meat from the freez… wait a minute. WAIT A MIN–

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