Brains That Even Zombies Wouldn’t Eat
Zombies have a bigger appetite for brains than just about anybody. They'll eat brains pretty much no matter the occasion, it doesn't even have to be a holiday. But even such not at all discerning brain eaters as zombies have some brains they wouldn't eat if their un-life depended on it. Brains so foul and useless they could be the last brains left to eat on Earth and zombies would just leave them be and walk into the ocean and be all sad that there aren't any more brains left to eat. So who are the owners of these brains so putrid even zombies won't eat them?
All Snooki thinks about is whether or not her boyfriend will get mad if she's eating a cheeseburger while she makes out with him. That's a pretty crappy brain.
45 Year Old Guys That Own Britney Spears Lunchboxes
The last thing a zombie wants is the taste of a creepy guy like that in his mouth. Also look out for 25 year old guys that still go to high school parties, and thirty year old guys with torn-out-of-magazine pictures of Kevin Jonas in their wallets.
No one's less appealing to a zombie than Fred Phelps, the crazy preacher who has his family carry homophobic signs to soldier funerals. Oddly, however, unicorns can't get enough of licking Fred Phelps, but I think that's just because his sweat is so salty.
Zombies don't want to eat Kevin James's brain and then get infected by it and just walk around all day with their pants around their ankles tripping and falling into toilets.
William Henry Harrison, U.S. President for Exactly One Month
This guy had the shortest run as president of anyone in U.S. history, exactly one month. That's embarrassing enough already that zombies don't want his brains, but do you know why he got the boot? He got caught feeding a prostitute he had murdered to his pet goat.
Nah, that's not true. He got pneumonia. He was still a total loser though.
My Cousin Rick
Rick works out at the Del Taco by the airport keeping their bathrooms clean. He's 42 years old. He lives in a sub-basement "apartment" where the landlord keeps his old nature magazines. No one wants to eat Rick's brains. No one.
No zombie wants to eat the brains of a man that still thinks it's a good idea to wear a grandfather clock around his neck in 2011. Not to mention it's pretty clear that Flava Flav is rabid, and rabid brains are a big no go for zombies.
What other brains would zombies not want to eat? Let us know in the comments!