Funny Articles

Bratz Dolls: Are They History’s Greatest Monsters?

By  | 

Some people think Bratz dolls are harmless toys for little girls that teach them positive life lessons such as: what kind of lipstick you wear is more important than how smart you are, and if you are wearing a pair of thigh high boots that doesn't go with the top you picked out no one will love you. But Bratz dolls are more sinister than meets the eye. I mean they don't call them Bratz for no reason. Check out some of the things Bratz dolls love to do when they're not dressing up and hitting the club (beware, it may shock you):


1. Ride Sharks Into Orphanages To Eat Children

Bratz dolls have telekinetic powers and they use them to make sharks leap out of the water and into orphanages. No orphanage is safe. It also isn't good for the shark.


2. Leave Unnecessarily Cruel Comments on Justin Bieber's Fan Page

Why do they do it, you ask? Because they can.


3. Finish Their Roommates Milk And Not Buy More Milk

It's a real jerk move, and Bratz dolls can't get enough of it. How am I supposed to eat this cereal, man?


4. Tell You The End Of The Movie You're Watching

Bratz Dolls are always walking up to people in the middle of watching a movie and leaning in and going, "I can't believe Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father!" Thanks a lot, Bratz dolls. I managed to avoid that spoiler for DECADES. 


5. Convince Tim Burton That He Should Go Ahead With Remake of "Planet of the Apes"

Tim Burton was sure that his remake of "Planet of the Apes" would do a disservice to the classic film, and almost decided not to make it. That is, until a Bratz Doll convinced him otherwise. "No Tim," she whispered insidiously, "Audiences really do want to see Marky Mark making out with a talking chimpanzee. Maaake it. Maaaake the mooovie."


6. Untrain Previously House Trained Pets

Bratz dolls delight in seeing previously house broken animals wet where they're not supposed to. Because their hearts are black and full of hate.


What are some other evil things those no good Bratz dolls are up to? Let us know in the comments!


Check Out The Most Badass Barbies of All Time