Funny Articles

6 Candies That Only Seem to Exist at Halloween

By  | 

When we think of Halloween, we think of candy corn — how much we all hate candy corn. But the following candies only seem to appear on October 31st, and only seem to exist in trick-or-treat bags, and only speak to how little the parent who gave you that candy thought about making kids happy on Halloween. Here are the candies that only exist during the Halloween season:

Mary Jane

Mary Jane bite-size candy


Wrapped in its same packaging from 1916, Mary Janes recall a time when kids would gnaw on molasses-dipped erasers. Hell, those kids would love to gnaw on anything that didn’t taste like cod liver oil or the falling ash from the factories where they worked.



Chiclets Gum small boxes


Ever wondered how the Tooth Fairy could turn a profit buying baby teeth? The answer is, she repackages them as gum just long enough each year to avoid both FDA enamel inquiries and gap-toothed children demanding their cuts.



two rolls of Smarties with sample candy


Tired of trying to break blackboard chalk into bite-sized pieces? Smarties lets you enjoy that taste, in a pill form! Smarties also prepare kids for an anxiety-riddled adulthood in which they’ll be popping chalk-like Tums as if they were candy.


Wax Bottles

wax bottles candy


Shaped to resemble old-time Coke bottles, wax bottles combine two of kids’ favorites pastimes: Drinking an 1/8th ounce of syrup and relentlessly chewing on plastic.


Milk Duds

two small boxes of Milk Duds


Why on earth would a product call itself a “dud”? Turns out, the company was initially trying to make the very first perfectly round candy. When they failed to do so — by a margin so wide one wonders if they were familiar with basic shapes — they deemed their final result “duds”. Whether or not the candy tastes like a dud depends on how you compare it to the aged Bazooka Gum, Bit-O-Honey, and Dots that get dropped along with them in your trick-or-treat bag.


Good & Plenty

Good & Plenty candy


The oldest branded candy in the United States, Good & Plenty has been THE choice for kids who love mauve Tylenol. Shaped like prescription capsules with the color of Pepto-Bismol, the name “Good & Plenty” starts out with an outright lie and ends with a threat.


Which candy do you hate getting on Halloween? Let me know in the comments!


Check out 6 Banned (For Very Good Reasons) Candies!