Funny Articles

6 Celebrities You Wouldn’t Guess Speak German

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German has gotten an unfair reputation as being an ugly, harsh language, probably because Hitler was a very bad dude. Most Americans I know have heard German mostly from World War II movies, and any language being shouted by Nazis is going to sound ugly. If Nazis were screaming French we’d all be like “ugh French is so UGLY and I don’t even like baguettes anyway.” But anyway, enough about Nazis. They don’t need any more press. In addition to the 100 million native speakers, there are at least six Hollywood actors who speak surprisingly good German. These are their stories.

1) Chris Pratt

If you can only watch one more video of a celebrity speaking a foreign language, make it this one. Chris Pratt learned German in school and while his accent isn’t perfect, he’s surprisingly good and unsurprisingly adorable. See, everyone? German can be cute, too!

2) Kim Cattrall

Before Kim Cattrall was Samantha on Sex and the City, she lived in Frankfurt from 1982-1989 and learned to speak fluent German. She says she’s forgotten some over the years, but at least from what I hear in this video, her German is still very impressive. She’s also written a book and made very weird spoken word poetry, proving that she is a woman of many talents.

3) Sandra Bullock

Sandra Bullock’s mother was German (her name was Helga, pretty much as German as it gets) and Sandra spent 12 years of her childhood in Nuremberg speaking both English and German at home. She doesn’t speak German publicly very often because she’s embarrassed about not speaking it perfectly but gurl, seriously, own it. You sound good. Phew, now hopefully Sandra knows that she has the support of one Smosh writer from Los Angeles and feels much more confident in her language skills.

4) Leonardo DiCaprio

Leo learned German from his grandmother. Is there any cuter way to learn a language? I don’t think so. German grandmothers are the absolute best. And he’s absolutely right, spätzle is the bomb. I don’t think I can use emojis in these articles so just imagine that I put three of the heart-eye emojis right here. Spätzle (heart eye emoji x3)!!!

5) Sarah Chalke

If you watch this video, please remember that Sarah Chalke is being a big ole goof and playing up the whole “German sounds like a machine gun on your ears” stereotype. No German has actually screamed this much since 1945. But is it funny? Yeah, I guess I have to admit it is. She also spoke German every now and then on Scrubs, where she does a pretty hilarious sweet German milkmaid impression.

6) Kirsten Dunst

Kirsten Dunst isn’t fluent in German … except in German insults. If you want to be the weirdo muttering insults at people in foreign languages under your breath, make sure to watch this video and you too can tell your friends and enemies, “Du bist ein großes Arschloch”.

Were you surprised? Were you impressed? Inspired, even? I hope this article has inspired millions of you to go learn German. I’m just going to assume it has. Let me know all your thoughts @erikaheidewald! Danke schön, auf Wiedersehen!