Funny Articles

Cereal Celebrities: Where Are They Now?

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Remember when cereal was filled with sugary deliciousness? Now the stupid health freaks have phased out sugar and tastiness for cereal made of gross things like soy and fiber. Not only did this change make cereal suck, but it put a whole generation of cereal mascots out of work.

So what became of these talented celebrities? Read on…



1. Franken Berry & Boo Berry

Franken Berry and Book Berry were 'married' in 1997 and later adopted a Russian orphan baby girl. They live in San Francisco, where they own an antiques store in the Castro and fight for gay marriage.


2. Tony the Tiger

Tony the Tiger spent time in for drug trafficking and RICO infractions. When he got out, he had to complete 500 hours of community service, which included picking up trash by the side of the road and shoveling snow out of the sewers. Sadly, Tony fell back into his life of crime and is serving time in the pen for robbing a 7-11.


3. The Trix Rabbit

Shortly after getting booted, the Trix Rabbit fell into a downward spiral of paranoid schizophrenia. He was institutionalized in a mental hospital for the criminally insane after he butchered the Sugar Smacks mascot Dig'em Frog and the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bakers.

Via Deviant Art


4. Snap, Crackle & Pop

The Rice Krispies formed an acapella Whitesnake tribute band and play nightly at the Savvy Sailor in Detroit.


5. Lucky the Leprechaun

After returning to Ireland and spending a few years fighting in the IRA, the Lucky Charms mascot moved back to the United States and built a survivalist compound in Utah, where he is preparing for the Last Days.


6. Cap'n Cruch

Cap'n Crunch was given a dishonorable discharge from the Navy because of their former 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. Although he tried to make it in the real world, he wound up homeless. These days, he lives in a cardboard box, and during the day he's a 'performance artist' who reenacts his TV commercials on the streets for spare change.

Art by Jani Leinonen


7. Toucan Sam

In the early 1990s, the Froot Loops mascot turned onto the rave culture. After struggling with his ecstasy dependency, he spent time at Betty Ford, where he kicked the habit for goods. These days, he's a drum & base DJ in San Francisco.


8. The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee

After losing his cereal gig, the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee started racing in NASCAR events. Ironically, his biggest sponsor is Honey Nut Cheerios.


9. Sugar Bear

With a name like Sugar Bear, the Super Sugar Crisp mascot couldn't find work in the cereal industry. He finally became the spokesbear for John Deere tractors, but later died in a tragic snowplow accident. Police later determined he had a blood alcohol level of 4.69, about twice the amount allowed for bears.


10. Count Chocula

After being out of work for more than a decade, the producers of the Twilight movies hired him as a creative consultant. Just for the record, he was completely opposed to making Edward so sparkly.

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