Funny Articles

Could Batman and Jay-Z Team Up to Fight Crime?

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Back in the day, Batman was a guy who knew how to have fun. The stories involved criminals, yes, but there was a sense of joy in the proceedings. The death traps were always silly, and sometimes Batman would even take a break from fighting criminals to go ride those bikes with the big fun wheel in the front!

batman jayz ride bikes
"After this we'll get milkshakes and not even look at the calories!"

Remembering this time when Batman wasn't a psychopath struggling not to murder every criminal he catches, the "Great Comics That Never Happened" series from ComicsAlliance teamed writer Chris Sims with artist Karry Callen to create a hypothetical crossover comic featuring the world's greatest detective and the world's greatest, um, Hov. Behold, the cover to the hypothetical comic, "The 99 Problems", where Batman meets rap superstar Jay-Z.

batman jayz cover of comic
If you'll notice, a b*tch ain't one.

It's good to see Batman hanging out with friends again, at least. He was so distrusting of the Justice League that he took notes on how he'd murder them all if he ever had to. When those notes got into the hands of Ra's al Ghul, it was the Justice League equivalent of a Burn Book getting out.

batman over dead justice league
"I couldn't invite you guys to my pool party. There were gonna be girls there in their bathing suits.
I mean, right?"


Hopefully Batman's gotten over that phase, because I don't know what Jay Z's hidden weakness would be. I mean, I guess it would probably make him angry if Batman suggested Beyonce had faked her pregnancy.

beyonce weird stomach fake pregnancy
Did we ever find out if that was a thing that happened?

But the best part about this cover is the villain choice— The Riddler is the ultimate foil for Jay Z. Think about it. If Jay Z is getting pulled over for being a. young and b. black, The Riddler isn't being stopped by cops when he is running around in a goddamn green suit and mask TELLING them what his next crime is going to be. There is no greater portrait of racial inequality in America than the contrast between Jay Z's 99 problems and The Riddler's, like, one.

riddler from batman tv show
While Jay Z is fighting dogs so his trunk isn't illegally searched The Riddler is writing angry e-mails to Jamba Juice and trying to convince his parents not to cut him off financially.

What other rappers would you like to see Batman team up with? Let us know in the comments below!


Check out What Batman's Been Up To in the 8 Years Between The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises!