Funny Articles

Dad Hires In-Game Hitmen To Assassinate His Son’s MMORPG Character

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When I was a kid my parents punished me the old fashioned ways: by grounding me, making me go to my room, or if I was really bad by extracting one of my teeth, grinding it to dust, and making me ingest it while simultaneously branding me with a scarlett letter that was the first letter of the trouble I had gotten in.

punishment time
Old fashioned "time out" device for kids.

So Kotaku is reporting that a Chinese Father, frustrated at his son playing too many video games and not looking for work, has figured out a very different way to punish him. Specifically, he hired "in-game assassins" to stalk and hunt his son so that every single time he logs on they take him the hell out.

assassinate my son
"Listen to me. Do not speak. You play video games too much yes? From now on you will only play video games after you have spent five hours looking for work, yes?"

The assassins are all high level players in the game, whose sole purpose in the game now it so wait for this guy's son to log on, run up to him, and f**k him up. His son may not have found a job, but this guy has inadvertantly created just about the coolest job I could ever think of having.

assassinate my son
Michael Bledsoe, Mountain Dew Fanatic/ Professional Assassin

His son has been being assassinated over and over again for quite awhile now, and the result has been that he has told his Father, "I can play or I can not play, it doesn't bother me. I'm not looking for any job—I want to take some time to find one that suits me." While that's not exactly getting a job, it is progress. His father is somewhat relieved. So this story has a not tragic ending. Also, it has given me a great idea for a business:

warcraft assassin
Satisfaction guaranteed.

Realistically, what do you think are your odds of surviving the zombie apocalypse? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!


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