The Day I Got Trapped In An Elevator With Kevin Jonas
I had to pay a parking ticket on the top floor of this building in downtown, and was in the elevator with the door almost closed with Kevin Jonas rushed in. I was going to the top floor, and he was going to the sixteenth floor. The elevator door closed, and we were at about the ninth floor when the elevator came to a sudden stop. The flights flashed on and off, and when the doors didn't open we both realized we were stuck.
For about a minute neither of us said anything. Then Kevin turned to me and said, "We should flip a coin to see who gets to eat who."
"It's only been thirty seconds," I replied. He just nodded said, "Oh, yeah, right," and turned away, then looked nervously at his watch.
10 Minutes In
Luckily I had a pack of cards on me, so Kevin and I sat indian style and played through a few rounds of Gin Rummy. We had a great time, although I was slightly confused by how Kevin kept going on and on about how he had read a bunch of articles about how Barbecue Sauce was really good for the skin, and that he just happened to have a bottle of barbecue sauce on him, and if I wanted I could have some.
1 Hour In
Bored of Gin Rummy, Kevin suggests we play truth or dare. I pick "truth" and Kevin says "What part of you is the tastiest?" I say, "I have no idea." Kevin then says, "I dare you rub this honey mustard glaze on your arms." To which I reply, "… I think we're still on truth, Kevin."
4 Hours In
Elevator still not repaired. I start to nod off, am jarred awake shortly thereafter to find Kevin Jonas hovering over me trying to pack rolled spices into my nasal passages, I accuse Kevin of trying to eat me, and Kevin looks hurt and says, "I just thought you might like to smell nice things while you sleep!" Have a hard time sleeping after that.
4 Hours And 38 Minutes In
Kevin says "Hey, look out behind you!" I don't look behind me and say, "I know there's nothing behind me Kevin, it's just me and you in this elevator." He doesn't give up, "No, seriously dude, you have to look behind you right now or else I'm not kidding." I don't look behind me. Kevin says, "Whatever, like I care," but clearly cares.
6 Hours In
Kevin tells me about how he read online that there's a way to filter urine into potable drinking water using nothing more than a leather shoe and some handi-wipes. I point out that neither of us are wearing leather shoes and neither of us have handi-wipes. He gets all butt hurt and says, "I was just trying to be constructive, it's not like you're throwing out any ideas!" I feel bad and apologize. He says, "It's OK, let's hug it out." When we hug it out I start to feel like maybe now we're finally gonna start getting along until I feel him squeezing different parts of my back and upper arms. "What are you doing?" I ask. "Not testing you for tenderness," he quickly replies. I break off the hug and we go back to our respective corners.
19 hours In
We're finally rescued! Kevin is excited, I'm pissed at him for trying repeatedly to eat me, and get even more mad when it turns out he had a sandwich in his pocket the whole time that he forgot about.
What would you do if you were trapped in an elevator and Kevin Jonas kept trying to put sauce on you? Let us know in the comments!