Funny Articles

The Death Poo

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It is said that when one dies one voids his bowels as the last breath is taken.

I believe that something similar happen to me, or more specifically the guy in the stall next to me in the men's restroom at Phoenix international airport last week.

I was flying to San Jose to meet with a client and my flight was was a good hour from departing. I needed to take the Browns to the Superbowl so I settled into a stall in the restroom. There was a guy, I assume it was a guy as we were in the men's room, in the stall next to me that was there before I arrived.

I made sure the proper procedures were adhered to.


Door securely locked? Check.

Ample amount of TP? Check.

Reading material? Check.

Everything seemed fine until I heard strange noises coming from the stall next to me. The noises were akin to loud gasps and whispered moans. My first thought was that I have a pervert next to me and that I had better finish up, wash up and get out of the bathroom entirely.

I peered down at the divider between our stalls to see if I could see any shadows and make sure his feet were pointed the right way, I don't need some perv trying to climb up on the toilet and trying to peek over the top of the stall. I am very big on bathroom stall security and wish to maintain the integrity of said stall.

I see that his shoes are pointed the right way then he starts thrashing his feet. His feet just don't go from side to side and back and forth he is kicking them around like a child throwing a tantrum. He does all of this while exhaling these loud whooshing noises. At first I though he was having some medical problem but every time that I asked if he was OK he answered yes. That was enough nonsense for me, I left (after washing my hands).

My gate was within viewing distance of the exit of that bathroom and as I sat down to watch the entrance I saw a dozen medical people and airport security enter the restroom I had just left. 10 minutes later I saw them escort a man out in handcuffs. Was this him? What had he done? Who called the coppers?

I will never know the truth so I made up an ending.This man was an international jewel thief that was trying to smuggle diamonds into this country.

He was full of butt diamonds.


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