5 Famous Villain Headquarters Designed by Idiots
Being a supervillain takes a lot of hard work and determination (not to mention the unchecked psychiatric problems), but more than anything else, it takes an insane plot everyone will take seriously. That’s one of a few places when things start to fall apart, because villains need a comfortable place to do all that villaining, and since it’s all so very illegal, a public place like Starbucks won’t cut it. And so, after all the effort and focus a villain puts into taking over the world, they often avoid Yelp reviews altogether and hire someone’s cousin to build their lair. Here are some of the worst-designed evil HQs:
Death Star, Star Wars
Cons: Every absolutely crucial control device, security office, and prison cell is within walking distance from a landing area that occasionally pulls in enemy ships. Tractor beam has an off switch that doesn’t require keys while thermal exhaust doubles as a self-destruct button. It’s just one port stop at Cozumel, Mexico away from feeling like you are trapped in the ultimate Carnival Cruise from Hell.
Pro: Could affect tides and be mistaken for a second Super Blood Moon.
Legion of Doom, Challenge of the Super Friends
Cons: The obvious Darth Vader copyright infringement issues make it impossible for the Legion to legally advertise hideout to possible new villain recruits. Legion’s swamp location means hideout will almost certainly be discovered when area is drained for more Disney World real estate expansion. Headquarters “facial” expression says less “DOOM” than “I’m sleepy and miss my friends”.
Pro: If you ever wondered what WALL-E would look like as a Sith lord, you have your answer.
Atlantis, The Spy Who Loved Me
Cons: An underwater hideout built for a global thermonuclear attack, Atlantis must still occasionally come up for air like an evil porpoise, thereby defeating its purpose. Its almost complete lack of windows means henchmen will spend their lives feeling trapped inside a submerged elevator. Finally, its long, thin support beans make Atlantis as structurally sound as a 800 foot high bar stool.
Pro: It looks like a deliriously happy crab.
Asteroid M, X-Men
Cons: While highly inaccessible location means fewer attacks, it probably also means the asteroid will be used as a very infrequent summer home at best. Also, this base has been destroyed and rebuilt so many times it is now completely impossible to get homeowners insurance for it. And it’s only a matter of time before “Asteroid M” becomes “Meteor M” as Magneto keeps lowering his asking price before it collides with Earth.
Pro: Gotta go somewhere when the zombie apocalypse occurs.
Technodrome, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Cons: Krang and Shredder’s fortress resembles the Death Star by way of Wilson from Cast Away. Capable of above ground, underground, underwater, and even outer space travel, the Technodrome is usually undone by mud patch or unfortunately placed pebble. It has 972 rooms, innumerable weapons, and a trans-dimensional portal, and it’s all immediately destroyed the moment it misjudges a turn and rolls down a slight hill.
Pro: If Krang and Shredder would just keep the name and convert it into a gigantic mirror ball, they’d have the greatest disco club since Studio 54.
Which was the least functional headquarters? Let us know in the comments below!