A Few People I’d Like To Clone
Now that we’re getting closer to learning how to clone humans, I’ve been giving serious thought to the first people I’d clone. It was a difficult decision, but I’ve narrowed my list to these 10 celebs.
1. Former WWF Queen Chyna
I would clone 100,000 Chynas, arm them with automatic weapons and send them to Afghanistan to overthrow the Taliban and kick Al Qaeda’s ass. Wouldn’t it be sweet if a bunch of hot chicks ended the reign of the burka?
2. President Obama
It’s always good to have a spare President Obama, especially if an evil time-traveler from the distant future came back to assassinate the first president to achieve world peace.
3. Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie is on so many people’s “lists” that it would be prudent to clone her so there are enough Angelina Jolies to go around.
4. Edward Cullen
But only because I want an unlimited supply of Edward Cullens to toss into the bright sunlight.
5. Sarah Palin
It’d be a hoot to watch Sarah debate herself, wouldn’t it? We’d have to dispose of the clone after the debate, though, because if two Sarah Palins exist in the same universe for more than 24 hours, it will explode.
6. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Once the Goths figure out how to become real vampires, we’re going to need someone to slay them.
7. Johnny Depp
By the time we know how to clone people, we will probably also know how to shrink them to the size of Barbies. I’d very much like a pocket-size Johnny Depp to carry around with me. I’d dress him up in a little pirate outfit and have him sing sea shanties to entertain me while I’m in the line at the DMV.
8. Queen Amidala
I would clone Amidala for two reasons: she’s firetruckin’ hot, and she can spawn Jedi. We’d have to choose her mate wisely … we want her to make a Luke and Leia, not an Anakin.
9. Sanjaya Malakar
Okay, Sanjaya can’t sing worth sh*t, but he’s awfully entertaining with that goofy hair, and stoned demeanor. Best of all, if we had multiple Sanjayas, they could appear at the same time on his embarrassing TV Guide Channel show, Idol Stars: Where Are They Now? to discuss Idol winners who aren’t talentless has-been idiots.
10. The Old Spice Man
Not only does he smell like the man your man could smell like, but he’s also sexy, sensitive and usually half-naked—and he can ride a horse backward. He’s a former NFL receiver and bbq restaurant owner, and he seems darned handy with a chainsaw. What more do you need in one clone?
Who would you like to clone? Tell us in the comments!