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The Five Stages Of Waking Up

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When Daylight Savings Time ended, that extra hour of sleep was the best thing ever. Throughout Sunday and Monday, people were chipper, conversations light, and harvests bountiful. However, the phase has passed, and our bodies now want to stay up til the even later version of 3am. This annual experience yields only one conclusion: waking up is hard to do. *Cue sixties-girl-group song*. To help you cope, I’ve created a list of the five stages we all go through in awakening to face the day.





There’s an incessant high-pitched beeping sound interrupting your make-out sesh with Taylor Lautner/Taylor Swift/both. You try to ignore it, but now it’s distracting the Taylor(s). Dammit, is that, like, the world’s longest fire drill? Oh, no. It’s your actual alarm clock. This has all been a dream. Ughhhh.




Maybe you’d be more well rested if your jerk of an upstairs neighbor hadn’t been blasting Reggaeton at three in the morning. Or if your downstairs neighbor hadn’t been banging his coffee pot at five (He must have scalded private parts! Ew!). And now you’re expected to wake up and deal with MORE people? Why does everybody suck?! You should call in sick. Your boss will just have to DEAL WITH IT.




Okay, maybe that calling in sick thing isn’t a viable option. But whatever, you don’t actually need a full forty-five minutes to get dressed for work. If you hit the snooze button just once and leave your hair curly instead of straight, you can still make it on time. Or, even better, if you hit the snooze button twice, you’ll most likely only be five minutes late, and who’s going to say anything to you about five measly minutes? You had a rough night, what with the Pitbull…




Great. Now you’ve overslept, and you’re going to have to go to work looking like crap. Your hair will dry frizzily, and you don’t time to find the good shoes. Then also you don’t have a clean bowl, so you have to eat your cereal out of the box, by hand, in the car. Your life is a mess, and everyone will know it. Plus, your work crush is married/gay/straight/thinks you’re a bff, and this morning’s ‘fro is not going to help. Give me one good reason you should get out of bed.




Wait. You realize that if you get up, there is a chocolate Power Bar in the other room. Okay, one…two…two-and-a-half…Coffee!!!

Do you guys go through this, too? What other stages of waking up can you think of? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out Optimus Prime's Morning Routine!