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Flirting (As A Second Language)

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Do you feel as if hanging out is like traveling through a non-English-speaking country? Your friends seem to have no problem striking up conversations with strangers, but you just stand there, wondering why no one has figured out that you’re a prize to be had? Well, exchange student, you’re not alone; heavy chatting does not come naturally to many of us. Here’s a crash course in Flirting as a second language.


Look (Lu̇k)


When Flirting, find the most enticing way to position your eyelids and smile so that a person will feel welcomed into your social space. The Look is the Flirter’s way of greeting an attractive individual, much like the English, “I’m potentially open to getting frisky with you.”


Laugh (Läf)


In China, burping after a meal is seen as a sign of appreciation. The same can be said of the Flirter’s Laugh. Whether or not the person with whom you are flirting has said something amusing, The Laugh can be employed as merely a “thank you for conversation.”


Punch (Pənch)


Akin to the Zuckerbergian Poke, the Flirter’s (light, friendly, not-go-to-jail-level) Punch is intended to elicit a reaction. In the land of Flirting, reactions are like currency. In order to thrive, one must figure out a way to yield a steady stream of money. I mean attention. Yeah, I’m getting confused by the analogies, too.


Mirror (Mi-rər)


Mirroring a person’s body language is the dance of the Flirtish People. Skilled dancers will not appear to actively copy an arm cross or a popped hip, they just seamlessly transition in a manipulative validation of their flirt partner’s physicality.


Synch (Siŋk)


Even when at a loss for words, the savvy Flirter understands the concept of staying in synch with their partner’s speech patterns. Simply keeping up with verbal patter and echoing inflection gives the impression that you are engaging in witty banter, regardless of presence of actual wit. If it feels like an intellectual match, it’s probably close enough.


Divulge (Də-vəlj)


Sharing a personal story is a Flirter’s way of promising further intimacy. In Flirting, to divulge is to inspire a sense of curiosity, or simply put, a reaction, which as we’ve learned, is money. Or something. Be careful not to over-divulge, however, or you’ll be mistaken for a Freak (enemy of the Flirtish) and ostracized.


Hold (Hōld)


The hallmark of the most sophisticated class of Flirt, the ability to casually grab a person’s hand and have the confidence to hold it means a Flirter has achieved nirvana. Hand holding is considered a rite of passage into Flirter adulthood, also known as the state of Hooking Up.


Grind (Grīnd)


If all else fails when visiting the land of Flirting, grind upon a person’s genital. They’ll get the hint that you’re a friendly visitor. Traveler’s tip: when employing this technique, it’s imperative that music is playing, otherwise The Grind will be perceived as a sign of hostility, and you’ll be thrown into the prison with the other Sexoffenderians.

What do you guys think? Can you speak the language of Flirting? Share some more words below!

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