Fun Ideas For Your Funeral
We're all going to die someday and what better way to make your exit from this God forsaken planet than to turn your funeral into the funnest event of the year! Here's how!
1. Get The Best DJ You Can Find
The key quality you're looking for is someone who can pick somber yet danceable music like, say, techno remixes of "Time After Time". Then everyone will just dance 'til the morning. Ideally they will remember to bury you at some point, though.
2. Hire A Clown
People like clowns! They can juggle, dance, and pull long (and I do mean LONG!) handkerchiefs out of their sleeves! The only reason to not get a clown for your funeral is if you get murdered by a clown.
3. Rent A Mariachi Band
In times of great stress, people often bottle their negative feelings and release them suddenly on the least deserving people. Why not give those at your funeral an opportunity to dump their negative feelings on the MOST deserving people — a Mariachi band? Then your mom can just yell at and degrade the horrible Mariachi band instead of disowning your sister because she put onions in the potato salad.
4. Befriend A Low Rent Celebrity
If in your life you can make nice with, oh, I don't know, The Rock or, like, the kid who played Cory on Boy Meets World, then just IMAGINE the thrill for your family when they get to meet The Rock or the kid who played Cory on Boy Meets World!
5. Caricature Artist
Everyone likes getting themselves drawn, and you shouldn't be left out of the fun just because you're dead! In addition, knowing you're going to have a silly drawing of yourself done after your death might encourage you to die in the least ghastly way possible.
6. Have A Mario Tournament
The best thing you can do for your family after your death is to lessen their burden of grief. And with a Mario tournament, they'll probably forget all about whatever they came there to do. "Hey Mom, did we really get all dressed up in black to come to a church to get 100 coins in Shifting Sand Land?" "It would seem so, honey. Speaking of which, this is your brother's favorite world. Have you seen himOH DEAR GOD."
7. Touch Football Game
Everyone needs to get their feelings out, and sometimes for men, those emotions can only be got out on the field. You'll want it to be touch football because it should be safe. We don't want anyone getting killed at this funeral.
8. Make Your Own Pizza Bar
The only reason to not get a "make your own pizza" bar for your funeral is if you somehow got murdered by a make your own pizza bar or at a make your own pizza bar.
9. Die With A Five Dollar Bill On Your Person
Whoever finds it wins the funeral!
How do you plan to turn your funeral into Straight Up Partytown USA? Spell it out in the comments!