Fun Things to do with Dubstep Other Than Listen To It
You kids and your "dubstep". Back in my day we had real music, like Korn, and Limp Bizkit, and… uh, I mean… You kids and your music! It stinks just as bad as it did in my day! Sure, us "old fogerties" (so named after John Fogerty turned forty and started hating everything) can't stand having to listen to it on our fancy "eye pods", but it does have other uses. Other FUN uses. So here, after many months of testing in a laboratory (aka my darkened bedroom) we have come up with some Fun Things to do with Dubstep Other Than Listen to it:
Bewilder the Elderly
I know this one will work because my inability to enjoy dubstep makes ME feel like I should qualify for a senior citizen's discount. But that's okay, because making the old feel out of touch is fun. Is it cruel? Sure. But they did it to their elderly family members, so what comes around goes around.
Force Dictators out of their Compounds
Back in the 1980s, Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega sought asylum in the Vatican embassy to Panama. Because the United States military couldn't just march in and seize him from foreign territory, they instead decided to force him to surrender himself by setting up giant speakers outside the embassy and blaring music 24 hours a day. Did he surrender? You bet! And they played things like Howard Stern, and Van Halen. Imagine how quickly he would have surrendered if they'd had dubstep at their disposal, blasting outside the compound. Which ties in well to the next point…
Simulate an Earthquake
Dubstep is essentially a hip way of saying "lots of bass, then dropping the bass, then bringing the bass back plus tons more bass". So I imagine if you got an impressive enough set of speakers, this would be pretty easy to turn into "Earthquake simulator".
Ride it into the Sky
That's right, the bass in dubstep is so powerful, that if you lay your speakers down and jump over them just as it reaches it's peak intensity it will be blast you into the air, where you can have a fleeting moment of serenity, free from your Earthbound problems like bills, or school, or being on Earth. Of course, you'll probably be killed as you reach terminal velocity plummeting back down to the ground, but that's the price you pay for a few minutes peace and quiet.
Not sure what to do with that giant slab of marble in your basement? Why not sculpt it, using a highly concentrated sonic gun that fires concentrated dubstep at over 5000 lbs a second.
Not Going to See Battleship
I mean, dubstep isn't particularly helpful when it comes to not seeing Battleship. In fact, it doesn't help at all. You just shouldn't see Battleship. Seriously. Do not see Battleship.
Not Listen to it
And the MOST fun thing you can do with dubstep other than listen to it is… anything! Any other use you can find for dubstep is superior to actually listening to it. Trust me. Remember the whole "me mentioning Limp Bizkit and Korn" thing. I listened to it. And I'm not proud of it. And one day, all you dubstep fans will know what that feels like.
What new cultural thigns make you feel old? Let us know in the comments!