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Get Retweets, Skip Finals: Students Making Deals With Teachers to Learn a Valuable Lesson about… Social Media? I Guess?

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Finals are coming up, and the students who are preparing by reading books and memorizing formulas are idiots. The students truly ready to succeed in the social media age are making deals like it was NFL draft day, offering their twitter accounts to get out taking their exams. And teachers are eating it up like it was a three day old cupcake left over from Stephen Jenkins’ birthday party they just found underneath their desk.

The first Twitter user to make this deal was senior Andrew Muennink, whose teacher, pictured above, agreed to cancel his class’ art exam if Muennink’s tweet got over 15,000 retweets. Having received over 15,351 retweets, it looks like Muennink gets to remain ignorant of the beauty of the world. Victory!

More and more stressed-out students are tweeting photos of themselves shaking hands in front of stipulation-ladden whiteboards hoping to get out of their finals, but they aren’t hitting their retweet goals. Maybe it’s more palatable to see a kid skipping his art history final than their chemistry final. After all, we’re going to need someone in the future to make whatever chemical it is that keeps chicken nuggets from spoiling.

This teacher requires over 3 million retweets to cancel final — an unrealistic goal, to be sure, but one that belies the true intent of the teachers making the agreements. While teachers claim they want to help develop young minds, they really want their ego stroked — who doesn’t want to point to influential, world-altering people and say “that’s because of me. I cultivated that.” And now, if they can suddenly reach a millions of people, their influence cannot be denied. These deals are about teachers grasping for a legacy — don’t feed in to it, students! Teachers have to learn that they are mortal just like the rest of us! They too will become one with the Earth, and soon thereafter be forgotten by all those who loved them! Remember, no matter how it may feel when Shaq clicks those double arrows on your tweet and your follower count goes through the roof, there are no amount of retweets that can beat death.


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