Funny Articles

Has Animal Planet Proven Mermaids Are Real?

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Not long ago, I was thrown off my boat during a storm and was saved by a beautiful woman who sang to me. I would search for that woman, that voice, and even dated a girl who reminded me of her but didn't say anything during our entire romantic boat ride. Long story short, I eventually found her, and just before we were married, the conch shell around her neck shattered and I found that that girl from earlier was the singer all along! but the girl I was about to marry was a sorceress who had stolen the first girl's voice. Short story back to being long, the girl I was about to marry was a sorceress so me and the singer murdered a giant version of her and then got married and things were pretty great!

little mermaid nes
Here's a picture of my wife racing to the ceremony in the NES game based on my wedding.

In any event, I will finally be able to prove I'm not to be insane recently by Animal Planet, who aired a special entitled Mermaids: The Body Found. In it, evidence was presented such as audio clips of mysterious and complex animal calls, small spears collected from the bodies of sharks, and even a cell phone video that actually shows a real-life mermaid.

WARNING: This mermaid is not hot.

Well, okay. So it's fake. God damn it. You can easily tell here because when we do discover the real-life monsters of myth, the first evidence is going to be grainy and boring, not a color-corrected video with expert pacing and jump scares.

alien still
Whoa, the existence of aliens has been proved by renowned cinematographer Derek Vanlint!

It feels sort of unfair to real science that we're just making stuff up, presenting it as a real documentary, and then doing what Mermaids did— adding a brief "Hey this whole thing was made up copyright 2012" title card at the end before photoshopping more Avatar-level mermaids into still images of underwater.

more mermaids
You guys seriously look like you were rendered out on a Nintendo Gamecube.

Do you think mermaids exist though? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!


Check out Canada's Loch Ness Monster Videotaped?!