Funny Articles

Has the Zombie Apocalypse Already Begun?

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As the internet has no doubt told you by now, a Miami homeless man attacked another homeless man and bit his face clean off. Police arrived and had to put multiple bullets into the biter before he died. If you haven't seen the pictures of the victim's face, or lack thereof, I'm going to link you to a website which will in turn link you to the pictures. They're so disgusting I want to keep them at least two websites away from me. For those who are sane enough to stay away, imagine a redder, more horizontal Two-Face.

animated two face
And significantly less animated.

So, okay. One guy leaned a little hard on the drugs and bit another guys face off. It's disgusting, but it's just one case, right? If only.

This is only the latest potentially zombie-related news story being reported this month from all around the nation. For instance, on May 19th, an unknown chemical was released in the Fort Lauderdale airport, sending five people to the hospital. Police have yet to identify the substance.

carrying hatchet
Okay, that's a little unsettling. But ultimately no big deal.
I might carry around a hatchet though. Just in case.


Then we start hearing of mysterious rashes appearing on students and teachers. Hazardous Materials squads were called in, despite the article specifically mentioning that the students were not working with chemicals.

chainsaw bike
I'm just going to start adding chainsaws to a few things.

And finally, we have a doctor who was arrested and went berserk, eventually spitting his own blood at police.

open gun chest
We knew this day would come. Grandma, open the vault.

Maybe this is a case of confirmation bias— one story comes out about face-biting that freaks us out so much we start thinking the zombie outbreak is inevitable and find stories to confirm out hypothesis. I hope that's the case, but I for one am so legitimately scared by all this that I have no choice but to post pictures of cute animals to alleviate the fear.

cute baby puppy
Here is a tiny puppy in a chair just for him.

What's your plan to survive the zombie onslaught? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!


Check out 8 Presidents I Pray Don't Rise From the Grave as Zombies!