Hazing Rituals That Make Me Never Want to Join a Frat
Joining a fraternity or sorority is a great way to make a group of friends for life. But, in order to make those friends, you have to do some really f*cked up sh*t while they watch and laugh. Because those friends you’ll make at your frat? They’re actually assh*les. Here’s just a sampling of how much you’ll have to demean yourself if you want to spend your college years wearing polo shirts and chest high-fiving.
The Elephant Walk
Here’s the “elephant walk” definition from the Urban Dictionary: “A group of males walks in a straight line, each person putting one thumb in their mouth and the other thumb inside the anus of the male in front of them.” The only way this wouldn’t be demeaning is if there was a bunch of money inside the anus of the guy in front of you.
Cocaine Or Dildo
It’s exactly what it sounds like. Either you have to snort a line of coke, or use a dildo on yourself in front of your sorority mates. That’s a pretty rough set of choices to put yourself through to get the privilege of being hit on at sorority parties by some frat guy named nicknamed “Butthole” who threw up on his shirt but hasn’t noticed yet.
All The Alcohol You Can Take In 90 Minutes
The ritual where a pledge can’t stop drinking for 90 minutes actually killed one kid at Cal Poly State University. He had a blood alcohol level of .44, which is ALMOST 50 PERCENT ALCOHOL. The only way he could have survived that is if he were a machine sent back through time to drink all of our alcohol.
Boiling Hot Water On Back, Chest, Genitals
This ritual is exactly what it sounds like and also, is considered torture under the f*cking Geneva Convention. Why the hell does anyone join fraternities?!?
Exercises in Feces and Urine
Pledges are made to swim in kiddie pools filled with human excrement and piss, hold feces, and so on. Pledges of Alpha Chi Ro had to carry human sh*t-covered rocks around in a forest, stopping intermittently to do push-ups in urine-soaked trash. I sure hope access to the frat PS Vita was worth it!
At Columbia University, to get into the rich kid frat, pledges had to buy a plane ticket to Taiwan and then burn it to prove how rich they were. Meanwhile, the rich girls had to buy Tiffany necklaces and hurl them into a river. What a deeply troubling symbol of the wealth gap. How about instead of Tiffany necklaces, you just hurl the seven poor children you could have fed for a year off of the money you paid for that necklace into the river?
What do you plan to make pledges do when you’re a dickhead frat guy? Let us know in the comments below!