Funny Articles

High School Awards You’re Glad You Didn’t Win

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Best Looking. Most Likely To Succeed. Class Clown. These are all awards that might not be so bad to receive. But there are some awards I can’t imagine anyone would want to win. These awards are pretty much attempts by the popular crowd to include the weirdos and the outcasts by labeling them as…weirdos and outcasts. Nice. Well, if "fitting in" means being labeled one of these senior superlatives… I’d rather just remain left out.


Most Likely To Live In Parents’ Basement Forever


The truth of the matter is that half of the d-bags who voted to give this award to some poor schlub will really be the ones living in their parents’ basement forever. It’s called deflection. At the 10-year high school reunion they’ll describe it as moving back home to help their mom out after the divorce. That’s called denial.


Most Likely To Join The Cast Of Glee


Just because someone is constantly strolling the hallways annoying everyone with off-key versions of every song from Wicked, doesn’t mean they’ll be joining the cast of Glee anytime soon. It probably means they’ll be using their college fund to buy a recording contract at Ark Music Factory. Look for her new single “I Heart Forever 21” which is gonna drop on… who gives a crap.


Most Likely To Have A Conversation With Himself


The winner of this award will either be the Bill Gates of your class or the Unabomber. There’s a fine line between genius, and genius who protests the advancement of modern technology by mailing crude pipe bombs. Either way it’s probably a good idea to be nice to him.


Most Likely To Join A Cult


If I ruled the world I would give this award to every person who’s into all of this high school bullcockey to begin with. Besides the people who laugh at the poor sap they hand this award too are the same people who will spend next fall desperately trying to get into Kappa Phi A-hole. Wait, what? Who’s most likely to join a cult? I vote all of them least likely to understand irony.


Most Likely To Be Abducted By Aliens


The good news is if this prediction comes true… you might finally lose your virginity! The bad news is… it’s not gonna go down as you’ve always planned. Happy probing!


Most Likely To Be On Jerry Springer


I hope everyone enjoys getting their asses whopped after handing this award out.


Most Likely To Go Down In A Hail Of Bullets


Oh dear…you better hope he doesn’t turn the tables on you with this one. If you really wanna use this award I’d go for the amiable geek rather than the metal head with lazy eye. Just to be on the safe side.


Biggest Mooch


I hate mooches. They actually have money but blow it all on customizing their cars or getting spray tans. Then they have nothing left for important things like food and Starbucks. If you get this award, everyone hates you and can’t wait to see you fail at life.


Worst Reputation


Hey honey… keep your head held high! If I won this award I’d take the stage with pride and then tell everyone where they could shove it. Actually, someone with your rep probably shouldn’t mention shoving anything anywhere. Winning Worst Reputation probably just means everyone’s jealous because all the boys like you. Or maybe it’s the eye patch…it’s a little shifty looking.


Most Likely To End Up In Jail


You might as well call this one most likely to spend his afternoons filling journals plotting your elaborate and gruesome deaths, before going upstairs to watch Wheel of Fortune with his mommy. Don’t worry, he’ll never do it…but he will one day unleash his rage in threatening fan letters to Vanna White. He’ll be more famous than all of you…for all of the wrong reasons.

What are the craziest high school awards you’ve ever heard of? Did you win one? Let us know in the comments!

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