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Horton Hires a Ho, and Other Inappropriate Children’s Books Reviewed by Laura

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Say hello to our newest contributor, Laura, a 13 year old who enjoys reading books and setting things on fire. Isn’t she precious?

In her first post she reviewed some of the world’s most inappropriate children’s books!

1. The Hanging Tree

This was a pretty funny book. I liked the pictures but the moral of the story was stupid and **spoiler alert** the tree doesn’t die so that was pretty lame if you ask me.

2. Sex

This was a really informative tome. I was troubled by some of the images and I think the animals were mostly made up ones.

I would like to see a book like this with pictures of real animals or, even better, people.

3. Horton Hires a Ho!

I would have enjoyed this one more but Horton does some really stupid things that made it hard for me to really invest in his character. For example, When the ho takes his money after he has passed out it says she found $400 in his fleshy folds.

No one carries around that kind of cash when they visit a ho!

4. Learn to Pimp

This had mostly common sense tips that any idiot already knows. I would have liked it to have delved deeper in to running multiple girls at the same time and administering beatings without leaving marks.

Also a more detailed chapter on obtaining legal representation would have been helpful.

5. Run Away From Home

What can I say I loved this book from beginning to end. The domestic violence are very true to life and billy’s motivations for leaving are totally believable.

One of the best books I have ever read!

6. Why is Mommy Moaning?

This book was for much younger kids. Don’t waste your time unless you are like six or totally retarded.

7. Paddington Gets Tanked

Nobody parties like Paddington? The third book in the Paddington series, This is the perfect follow up to Paddington gets stoned and Paddington gets naked.

I can’t wait for Book Four, which is rumored to be titled “Paddington Trips Out.”

8. My Pet Dick

I want a refund. This book was all about a duck that gets lost and winds up living with some dumb kid and his stupid family.

There is no Dick in this book as promised in the title. Either this is a misprint or another example of false advertising.