Funny Articles

How To Ask A Guy Out (If You’re A Girl)

By  | 

Most of the dudes who clicked on this article are going to be like, “Um… be female and exist?” When I asked around to research for this article, my male friends said that if they like a girl, it doesn’t matter how she asks him out – they’ll be excited it happened. That’s fine; I’m sure that’s true. But, they also said, if they don’t like her, there’s nothing she can do; it’s just not going to happen. Guys, I hate to inform you, but you are not as simple as you think you are. Girls, being manipulative is fun. Here are my tips on how ask a guy out.


Be yourself. Kind of.


The reason most of us are skeptical of the “be yourself” motto is that we’ve BEEN ourselves, and our selves have been told that we’re like a cross between Liz Lemon and Leslie Knope (more than once, pre-people-deciding-they’re-attractive). Also, what is your “self”? There’s your “persona” – the person you put out there to the world.. and your persona is made up of various character traits, which you choose to display with more or less intensity, depending on your audience. So, what we’re going for in asking a guy out is the part of you that is attractive, or for lack of a better word, “sexy.” Don’t be weird. No one is asking you to act like Marilyn Monroe (unless you are Megan Fox’s arm). But there has to have been a time in your life when you did something that felt sexy. Or there’s a picture of you that looks like you did? Go back to those thirty seconds and do that again.


Be smart about your phrasing.


“Will you go out with me?” is a loaded phrase. He’ll be like, where are we going? How much of a commitment is involved? Is this going to result in me paying alimony? Ask him to do something specific, and ask him in a way that feels like a natural extension of your normal dynamic. Do you guys like to brood about existentialism together? Ask him if he’d like to go to dinner because, whatever, might as well fill your time. Do you guys have lots of inside jokes? Ask him if he remembers the time you asked him to go see the new Harry Potter movie because that was right now. Chances are, you already know why you guys work, since there’s a reason you’re interested in him. So, more of that.




Pretend you’re an empowered marionette. There’s a string going from the middle of your head to a puppet master in the ceiling. It’s a benevolent puppet master, who cuts you a lot of slack, so your body is loose and your head bobs comfortably. Or, you’re in choir, and you really want Outstanding Choir Student of the Quarter, but you keep getting overlooked, and this is the one thing you do better than that bitch first soprano. Or, you’re at a computer and you really don’t want to get carpal tunnel. Now walk up to a guy and ask him out. Well, if you’re at the computer, you need to stand up. Or wheel your rolling chair over to his for a more casual approach.


Take Gas-X.


If you’re about to ask a guy out, gas is the last thing you want to be worried about. And, now that I’ve put the idea in your head, you’re going to be really concerned that you’re going to fart. Might as well pop some preventative Gas-X. You just don’t know what tricks your body will play on you once your adrenaline starts going nuts. A guy is 94% more likely to agree to go out with you if you have not just crapped your pants.


Use real life to your advantage.


It’s so much easier for guys to find a flowery way to say "no" if there is a layer of technology involved. The act of asking a guy out in person connotes a level of confidence that the answer will be “yes” – why else would you feel like you could make yourself vulnerable to a real-time reaction? I know this seems unnatural. I hardly feel comfortable face-to-face-asking my coworkers what they want for lunch, but it’s so much better than making pie charts of the many possible reasons he hasn’t yet responded to your text.


Force yourself not to care.


If a guy isn’t interested in you, he’s going to be uncomfortable at the thought of having to turn you down. But, if it seems like he’s just one of the many chapters in your Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Saturday night, it’ll throw him, and he’ll want to investigate this thing that doesn’t need him. Easier said than done, right? Honestly, you shouldn’t be basing your entire weekend-happiness on a guy, or any external source, for that matter. Make your life default-fun. Know how to keep yourself happy – if that means spending all afternoon cleaning up your iTunes file names, so be it. Fill your schedule with stuff you like to do and lots of people to do stuff with, so if he disappoints you, you won’t be crushed. And he won’t, since you’re a party in and of yourself. Somehow we wound up with Deena “Walking Party” Cortese from Jersey Shore as a role model.

What do you think? Guys, would it matter to you how a girl asked you out? Are there ways to “play it” that are better than others?

Check Out How NOT To Act On A First Date!