Japanese ‘Electro-Smile’ Product Will MAKE Kids Happy!
Have you ever had a problem with another human being—presumably one you whose behavior you have a legal right to dictate—feeling the completely natural human emotion of sadness? And what if, God forbid, they felt this sadness at a time that was socially inconvenient? Then you have to check out this latest piece of Japanese nonsense—the electro-smile!
Your problem is solved, you monster!
Yes, the Electro-Smile is a device that hooks up to your child's face and sends electric shocks into their cheeks, forcing a smile. The best part is, there are no side effects! Although, there is one side effect. Some children experience a sudden twitch of the head after use. But within a few years, when all Japanese adults instinctively turn their heads to 90 degree angles when they want to smile, I'm sure we'll all be accustomed to it.
Japan's cultural insanity made manifest.
So, okay. Goddamn it. Listen, Japan, sadness is okay. We have to be true to our feelings if we want to learn to deal with them like adults. Emotional honesty is important and it is vital that we release our emotions without fear of a) electro shocks and b) ridicule or scorn.
"I don't CARE if it's just a TV show! I'm really upset Dan Harmon was fired from Community!"
But if time travel movies have taught us anything, it's that all actions have consequences. Sure, your kid is happy when they open their crappy Christmas gift from their crappy aunt, but there are ramifications to this that may not have been considered—What kind of grudge will your child hold against you? And furthermore, what kind of grudge will they hold against the society that allowed this to happen?
If we see a rash of electricity-themed super villains in a few years, you'll know why.
What do you think of the Electro Smile? Let me know on Twitter @mikeyfromsu or leave a comment below!