Funny Articles

John Cena Could Be Playing Duke Nukem in a Duke Nukem Movie That Will for Some Reason Exist

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WWE Superstar John Cena is in talks to play Duke Nukem in a movie based on the bro-tacular muscle man’s ’90s video games. (SPOILER: it won’t go well.) Do y’all even remember Duke Nukem? He starred in a video game where you smoked cigars and shot aliens in the head and threw money at strippers. Also, if memory serves, Duke Nukem was the first video game franchise where you could pee?

Unfortunately, it was not the first video game franchise that would let you wash your hands.< br />

And listen, no one loves pro wrestling more than me, but John Cena is not the right choice for Duke Nukem. If you’re adapting a video of the most crude, sexist, oblivious douche-bag in the history of video games, maybe don’t cast the most likable man in human history. The pro wrestling world is full of guys who embody the truly toxic mentality that would make Duke Nukem work (and by “work”, I mean “be reprehensible”).

One time Kevin Owens won a match with a LOW BLOW!! Ooh, I still get steamed when I think about that!! Oooh man!!< br />

The whole point of Duke Nukem was to make fun of action movies, and now, he’ll be starring in an action movie? C’mon! You can’t go and do the thing you make fun of. That’d be like if my high school bully suddenly joined Mathletes.

john cena duke nukem bully
“Now I gonna do the math calculashuns.”< br />

What do you think about John Cena in a Duke Nukem movie? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!