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Justin Bieber Never Believed in Santa???

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Justin Bieber knew Santa wasn't real growing up. Oh no! Aww! What a bad childhood! Poor guy! Aww! Aww! Aww!

This is one of the islands Justin Bieber has purchased.

Perhaps if she had told him about Santa he wouldn't have grown up with such a hatred of Christmas time. Don't believe me? Then why did he put Usher on "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire"? Guys! USHER! I cannot say this enough. USHER sings on "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire"!


It looks like Mama Bieber (Which is Justin's mother's birth name, I believe) had had her reasons for not telling young Justin about Santa, namely that if he found out Santa wasn't real he might not believe her about God later in life. I suppose that's fair, but what Mama Bieber (I want so badly to believe that's her legal name) overlooks is that lying to kids is basically the only fun thing about being around kids. Like the other day when my niece asked what air was made out of and I told her it was tiny invisible ants that sometimes take up residency in our lungs and devour us from the inside out. 

We're hoping she's going to stop crying someday.

So how did the Bieber family spend Christmas, if not with lies and treachery? Well, it sounds like they played The Dice Game, which involves everyone bringing a present, putting them in a big pile in the middle, and then rolling dice. When you get doubles, you pick a present at random, assuring that no one gets anything they actually want and everyone grows to hate everyone else. But what's important is that they're hating each other as a family.

These are our malice smiles.

Justin did mention that he never ruined Santa for any of his friends though, saying he was a good kid. But why be a good kid if there's no Santa, Justin? It doens't add up. People don't just act nice for no reason.

Bieber what are you hiding?

Wait. What if Bieber needed the world to love him? Of course… by being nice to the dunderheaded kids who believe in Santa, Bieber earns the love and trust of society. And if society didn't love Justin Bieber, it would never let him to put Usher on "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". You are a worthy adversary, Bieber.

Look at Justin Bieber's widdle face. Could you have wooked at that adowable baby punnum and told him there's no such thing as Sanna Cwaus? Wet us know in the cawmments.

Check out Justin Bieber Accused Of Destroying Steampunk!