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Justin Bieber: Suspected of Criminal Battery!

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Yesterday afternoon, Justin Bieber was at the mall, hanging with Selena Gomez, probably eating untie Annie's pretzels while waiting for their movie to start, because that's what teenagers do at the mall, when a photographer tried to get pictures of the two of them together. Now, we don't know exactly what happened, but according to TMZ, something happened. Justin Bieber and this photographer got into what is being described as a "physical altercation".

bieber dancing
I'm only surprised this ticking time-bomb of rage didn't go off sooner.

Since the phrase "physical altercation" is the least specific description of all time, we have no idea what kind of fight it was. What we do know is that it was somewhere between this—

mma fight

And this—

babies fighting

We have no idea what exactly happened, and several witnesses are claiming to have seen a lawyer approach the photographer after the incident and advise him to make a fuss about it so he can get a big payout. This implies that, probably, nothing happened and the guy is selling his injuries worse than Chris Bosh.

bosh flop
In the interest of fairness, I should point out that Chris Bosh is haunted by several Civil War-era ghosts.

But here's what we do know— Bieber and Gomez left the scene of the quote unquote "crime" before they could talk to the police. That means that right now, as of this moment, the cops are after Justin Bieber. And maybe they should be, as the photographer did end up calling an ambulance and going to the hospital with pain in his upper torso. This is the part that makes me think Bieber really did hit him— I don't care how much you can make it court, no self respecting man is going to lie about being sent to the hospital by Justin Bieber.

man in emergency room
"Sir, are you sure you don't want me to write down that too many baby kitties walked across your chest, or that you ate too much ice cream and your tummy is too rumbly?"

Now that he's a tough-as-nails brawler, is Justin Bieber more or less attractive in your eyes? Let me know on Twitter or leave a comment below!


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