10 Lazy Things We All Do
Hi, my name is Ibet and I am a lazy person. There, I said it — it took me all day to even begin writing this story. But I bet plenty of you out there are just as bad. And since life is sooo tiring, here are 10 lazy things I know we all do, and an explanation from my lazy place of expertise. This is our lazy safe space.
10. Delay Going to the Bathroom
When you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. But when you’ve gotta go, and it’s a cold winter night, and you’ve just put on your favorite pair of comfy pajamas and matching socks, and you’ve just curled up underneath the covers of your extra warm bed… one might take pause. You wonder if you really have to go, or if it’s just gas (it’s never just gas). And you eventually make a deal with yourself that you’ll go after you scroll through your entire Instagram feed. This is why I have bladder issues.
9. Delay Leaving the Bathroom
So you’ve finally made it to the bathroom. You’ve settled in to do your business, and you even brought your phone to keep you company. But Facebook has led you to a video about a cult you’ve never heard of, and then you just had to switch over to Safari and do some Wikipedia research, and before you know it, you’re down an internet rabbit hole, and have maybe even thought about what your life would be like if you were in said cult. After taking all that in, how could you possibly muster up the strength to lift yourself off of the toilet all the way back to bed?
8. Avoid Washing the Dishes
Imagine you’ve just come home from a long, back-breaking day of work… or that you’ve just woken up from a two hour nap. Either way, you’re probably starving and the last thing you want to do is wash dishes. It will make your hands prune, it will take away precious eating time, and it will require effort. That’s why I have both left my apartment to go buy plastic utensils and have eaten crackers from the bottom of my purse for dinner. Don’t judge me.
7. Sleep in Your Makeup
This one might be one of the worst, because it has almost instant consequences. You wake up with your eyelashes stuck to your forehead, your blush on your pillow and shame on your heart. But what’s even worse is you probably have a huge zit on your face too. We’re all told that not washing your makeup off at the end of the day is terrible for your skin, but I’ve just endured a long night of looking cute in this contour. Now you expect me to wipe my makeup off with a wet wipe AND wash it off in the sink? I’m only human.
6. Skip Work to Sleep in
I bet you were expecting me to put hitting the snooze button on this list – that’s child’s play. A real lazy bone will call in to work and lie about having car trouble so they can sleep longer, or even so they don’t have to show up at all. And let me tell you, the only thing sweeter than sleeping in is sleeping in knowing that you don’t have to exist in the world for nearly as long as you’re supposed to. Oh man, did this post just get kind if dark? Sorry. Rainbows! Lollipops! Taylor Swift!
5. Take a Bird Bath Instead of Showering
I’d like to blame this on being in a rush, but that rush was most likely caused by sleeping in longer than I should have and deciding last minute that I will actually go to that event after all. So then you grab a wash cloth or the unused wet wipe you were supposed to use for your makeup and scrub the important parts of your body, hoping no one notices that you still smell like last night’s lasagna.
4. Use Febreze Instead of Washing your Clothes
Plot twist, you have also put off doing laundry. This is because laundry takes effort AND money. You have to go out and buy detergent and fabric softner, and then somehow get quarters to put in the machine. I have a drawer full of nickels and pennies, why won’t it take them?! However, if you are fancy enough to have a machine in your house, chances are you’ve uttered the words, “I’ll put a load after this commercial break,” and the next thing you know, it’s Tuesday. And so, you end up spraying Febreze on the armpits of a sweater and then into the air so that you can wave it in the falling mist. Sigh.
3. Eat Something Expired
Isn’t it funny how this list gets grosser as it goes on? Oh, it’s “actually just sad”, you say? Haha I agree. Yes, it may be more responsible to throw old food out and make a trip to market to buy something fresh. But I’d argue it’s extremely wasteful to throw out half a carton of milk or eggs just because it’s expired, especially if it doesn’t even smell that bad. As the great Kelly Clarkson once said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and I personally credit my inner strength to eating two week old pizza.
2. Don’t Bother to do Anything with Your Appearance
Yes, I have just washed my makeup from the night before, haven’t showered, just febreze’d my clothes and ate a month-old Danish, so do you think I’m going to even run a comb through my hair? It may actually salvage my appearance, but… no. Really, who cares about appealing to beauty standards? You’re a natural beauty! Use that extra time to reflect to how awesome you are. Or to sleep. (See how I’ve turned this list around?)
1. Make Lunch or Coffee
So you’ve finally made it out of the house. You look terrible, but you’re out. After the trauma that you’ve been through, I’m not going to even hypothetically suggest that you take the time to make your lunch or coffee. Yes this would save you a lot of money, but going to Starbucks in the morning or to a food truck midday has become a part of your routine. You have playful banter with the barista, and even met a cute guy while waiting for your cheese covered whatever to be ready at lunch. And isn’t that what life is really about? Meeting new people, having experiences, and racking up at least $500 worth of lunch and Coffee Bean bills in one month? At least that’s what my life is about.
What other lazy things do you do? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!