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Lies People Tell (To Avoid Hanging Out With You)

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According to your iCal, you are a very busy person. Booked solid until mid-November. Between grabbing catch-up dinners and seeing movies and going to the ballet downtown, you are just doing so many things with so many friends. Until it’s time for these things to actually happen, at which point the people who said they’d do something with you are MIA.

Oh, so you’re one of those people who thinks other people absolutely mean it when they agree to have plans with you. Silly person. Your friends might find something more fun to do, in which case, they are going to do that. Here’s a guide to all those lies people tell you to avoid hanging out with you…so you don’t get your hopes too high every time you hear a “Count me in!”


I’ll Definitely Try To Make It


This person can’t even get three words out without undermining her own sincerity. The word “definitely” is unnecessary in explaining that this person will “try” to come, as we do not know what constitutes an attempt. Is it “trying” if the person considers coming, then sits back down on the couch? Some neurotransmitters were employed, sure, but was there ever any true intent? I guess that’s not important, so long as she kept your vote for Student Council.


I Might Have To Work


A clever phrase indeed, as it’s unlikely you’ll check up on whether work has historically been demanded of this person at that particular time, or if you’ll be able to verify this obligation should he end up bailing. He’s aware of this and is using the inarguable Need To Earn Money in order to avoid committing to a Footloose remake ticket. He wants to check those Rotten Tomatoes reviews first.


Remind Me Closer To The Date


What, does this person not keep a calendar? Or have a pen and a back of a hand? Would he say this to his landlord? You’re kind enough to be extending an invitation; you don’t need to play secretary as well. And you know what would happen upon the day of your reminder. (Hint: see #1,2,4,5, or 6).



Ugh. I Think I’m Getting Sick.


I always “think I’m getting sick.” Especially when I’m about to do something I don’t feel like doing. This person knows that by throwing in the qualifying phrase “I think,” she’s excusing herself from actually getting sick. She could have been wrong. That tickle in her throat just never developed into anything more. But in the meantime, she got out of helping you do volunteer work at the Children’s Hospital.


My Immediate Family Member Needs Me.


Another one you can’t argue with without looking like an asshole, the obligation to attend to an immediate family member is a golden ticket out of any kind of unwanted plans. This is one of the few instances when you can flake out on someone and end up looking like a better person for it. You absolutely wanted to catch that art museum exhibit at 10am on a Sunday after a hard night out. But darn, your sister broke up with her boyfriend and really needs you to lie around the house eating delivery Thai food and watching reruns of the two episodes of Whitney. That mentally unstable, demanding leech. (Whitney, not your sister).


That Sounds Awesome.


It does, doesn’t it. For someone else to commit to. Not your friend. This person enjoys commenting on the inherent quality of an idea, the manner in which it was presented, the attractiveness of the proposal for a hypothetical human being… but he will not be joining you on that endeavor. Don’t be fooled by this person’s smile. You’ll note it’s held a beat too long. His intent is to make you feel confident enough to ask someone else to help you move apartments in exchange for beer.


What do you think? Can you name any other phrases people use to blow you off? Have you used any? Warn everyone in the comments section!


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