Funny Articles

Manners You Pigs Would Do Well to Observe

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Now, you probably looked at the headline for this article and thought “Manners? Manners are for nerds!” And yes, a lot of etiquette that was once considered vital doesn’t matter anymore, but that doesn’t mean you can just be a huge jerk all the time. In fact, a lot of small things you do are pretty rude and you haven’t even realized it! That’s why I’ve put together a list of just a few things you can do to not seem like less of a rude little pig…

Don’t litter

Littering is disgusting. I mean, I get it if a piece of paper falls out of your pocket or something. That kind of thing is just bound to happen. I’m talking about people who just throw garbage on the ground, with no emotion at all, like they don’t even realize they’re doing it.

Leash your dog

What are you doing, just letting your dog run around without any control over it? Don’t you realize how dangerous that can be? You don’t even seem like you’re in charge of the dog — half the time it seems like its herding you around.

Tone down the squealing when I pick you up

Listen, I get that it’s annoying when I get drunk and lift you up. But the amount of squealing you do is really annoying. Just tell me you don’t like it! We’re both adults, you don’t need to thrash around while shrieking as if I’m going to kill you!

Stop attacking house guests

One of the most annoying things in the world is when you have guests over and your roommate decides the best way to maintain their place in the apartment’s hierarchy is to attack the guests. Come on man, I know I spoil you, but this is incredibly rude and won’t endear either of us to our visitors. I’ll keep giving you treats and scratching you once they leave, nothing is going to change!

Stop chewing the drywall

How are you going to get your security deposit back if you’re always chewing the drywa– wait a second, I think you might actually be a pig.

This is my bad; pig on, you dirty mud-wallower!