Funny Articles

‘Pokémon Go’ Update Gives Team Leaders a Purpose: BATTLE TIPS!

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Besides giving us Spark, the Poké-verse’s top meme-lord, the introduction of team leaders to Pokémon Go hasn’t changed much about the game. I can’t summon Blanche mid-battle to help out my Pokémon like it were goddamn Marvel Vs. Capcom or anything. That’s why it’s interesting to see Pokémon Go developer Niantic announce that its team leaders are going to have a new role in the game besides welcoming level five players to the team of their choice — they’ll pop up before a battle to offer up their expert opinions on the user’s Pokémon.

pokemon team leaders spark
And Spark is, as expected, f*cking useless.

The Pokémon Go update describes the new role for team leaders as the “Implemented Pokémon Appraisal” feature, saying trainers can now “learn about a Pokémon’s attack and defense capabilities from their Team Leader (Candela, Blanche or Spark) to determine which of their Pokémon have the most potential for battle.” Oh good, someone to tell Pokémon when they don’t have potential — I’m sure that won’t lead to any Rudy-like inspirational stories of overcoming the odds and learning the power of believing in yourself. *rolls eyes so hard I break my optic nerve*

But now that we’re going to have the team leaders giving us advice, are we all still happy with our team choices? I mean, I went Team Mystic, but it was only because all my friends went Team Mystic. Me? I’m the type of guy who trusts his gut. So now am I supposed to sit through Blanche popping up all the time to tell me, like, book facts? That’s going to be frustrating for someone as aggressively dumb as me.


Follow Mikey on Twitter @mikeymccollor.