The Psychological Diseases of Disney Princesses
Everyone loved the Disney movies growing up. And because we love them so much, it’s become our unfortunate duty to point out that, well, a lot of the Disney Princesses are less than stable. We’re not talking about the fun disorder where you imagine everyone around you sings all the time. No, they all have that disease and we’ve come to accept it. We’re talking about some much, much more frightening diseases. Here are the psychological disorders of Disney princesses.
Sleeping Beauty – Hypersomnia
Sleeping Beauty clearly suffers from Hypersomnia, a condition characterized by being excessively sleepy all the time. Treatments for Hypersomnia include clondine, levodopa, and the kisses of handsome, wealthy gentlemen.
Pochahontas – Social Anxiety Disorder
Pochahontas has such strong social anxiety disorder that she actively worked against the creation of society.
Belle – Kleptomania
Although it wasn’t greatly covered in the movie, Belle definitely entered the castle not to find her father but to loot the hell out of the place. It became a greater challenge than she had anticipated, though, as the candlestick holder she wanted to knick could talk.
Ariel – Schizophrenia
One way of analyzing the Little Mermaid is to suspect that Ariel never became human in the first place and was only having visions of entering the human world. This is a natural reaction to having a father as overbearing as Ariel’s, the only way to cope is to become a Part Of Their World, as it were.
Cinderella – Dependant Personality Disorder
Cinderella has defined her personality based on what other people see in her. To her step-sisters, a maid. To the prince, a princess. These personality types have no idea how to define themselves when they’re by themselves. They tend to just scream and write “Tell me who I am” on their face in marker.
Alice – Chemical Dependancy
Alice’s chemical dependancy comes from whatever pain she’s experienced in her life. Whatever it takes to get to “Wonderland”, am I right Alice? The unfortunate part is, she won’t even listen to anyone who cares about her because she only takes advice from purple-striped cats. Whatever that means.
Jasmine – Chronic Overtrust
When a street rat offers you his hand and says “Do you trust me?” the answer should always be “Of course not. You are a street rat.” Clearly, Jasmine has excessive trust issues, especially when she unequivocally buys Aladdin’s story about being a rich person who pretends to be poor sometimes. Why would he do that? For the lulz? They hadn’t even invented lulz yet back then, Jasmine!
Have you noticed any troubling symptoms in any other Disney princesses? For their sake, let us know in the comments.