Funny Articles

The REAL Reason Americans Are Overweight

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Typically people believe that so many Americans (over 1 in 3 are considered "obese") are overweight because of over eating.

The reality is this couldn't be further from the truth.  Weight in America has nothing to do with the amount of food Americans consume…

And everything to do with Shoemaker Gnomes.

Shoemaker Gnomes are gnomes that were once the friendly servants of a kindly old cobbler. Hundreds of years ago they helped the cobbler make the finest shoes for his customers and were paid handsomely by the cobbler in milk curds, which gnomes love to gobble up.

But over the years the cobbler became a tyrant. He refused to share his curds and made his helpful gnome friends work all hours in sweatshop conditions, often whipping them for their insolence.

To save money the plumbing was taken out of the factory, removing the toilets to increase production at the expense of working conditions. The cobbler became paranoid in his tyranny, and whenever he even suspected the gnomes of fomenting revolt he would force the gnomes to decide who among them he would kill.

After years of mistreatment at human hands the gnomes rose up. They overthrew the cobbler and to get revenge on the human race for his misdeeds they have been sneaking into our bedrooms at night and blowing saturated fat dust in our mouths while we sleep.

The reason why only about a third of Americans are obese is because those are the Americans that snore, so that their mouths are open and the gnomes can blow the saturated fat dust in.

That's why I sleep with my mouth taped shut.

What would you do to stop the gnomes? There has to be a way to stop them. Let us know in the comments!

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