Funny Articles

7 Reasons It’d Be Hard to Be the Personification of Death

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A lot of people are afraid to die, which, yes, fine, makes sense. Though, certainly there are fates worse than death. Like maybe… BEING death??? Trust me, I have my reasons for thinking this…

Being mixed up with the Devil

I’m not the devil, I’m death; I don’t rule over hell, I’m not evil, I’m not interested in torturing anyone, I am simply death. I take everyone, eventually, no matter how good or bad they were. I am non-partisan that way. Also, we look nothing alike.

Always Cold

Again, I’m not the Devil, so I don’t ever get to “feel the heat”, as it were. I am just a set of cold, rattling bones under a cloak, and that just isn’t always a comfortable way to be, y’know? It’s especially bad in cold, wet climates, when you can really feel it in your bones. Get it? In your bones!!!

The uniform

Speaking of the outfit, it would be generous to describe it as “drab”. Just a long black cloak, and sometimes you don’t even get the big scythe? How is that fair? It’s not like I can wear a belt (waist too small), or a bag (shoulders not really made for it), or even a hat (would look ridiculous under the cowl of the cloak.

Thanos the Mad Titan is always trying to get with you

Dude, how many times is Thanos going to try to get a piece of this? The guy is so desperate, he’ll try anything. He once killed half of all life in the universe in an attempt to impress me. Bud, try flowers.

You never get a day off

Could people stop dying for like an hour so a guy could catch some Zs? No, they cannot, for the circle of life is ever spinning.

I, too, have had a lot of bad jobs.