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8 Reasons Why Holland Is Better Than Your Country

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So you all voted last week to see which country we wrote about this week, and it looks like you Europeans aren’t just content with spreading small pox and colonialism to the rest of the world, you want to take over blogs too. Well, fine. Sorry Brazil and the Philippines, people wanna know about HOLLAND.

Here are some reasons why Holland is better than your country.


It’s not even a country

Holland is not even a COUNTRY, son. Holland is just a part of the Netherlands, but is still country-level famous. It’s like if Massachusetts was as famous as the United States. But guess what? Massachusetts is NOT. It’s barely more famous than Connecticut.


1/4 of the Netherlands is bellow sea level

Most countries pretty much puss out when they reach the ocean. They are all like “no way, man. That’s the friggin’ OCEAN. WE GIVE UP!” Well, Holland isn’t most countries. They see the ocean and are all like “let’s stick some country in there.” Although large parts of The Netherlands are bellow sea level, a system of dikes (hehe) keeps the ocean bay, and for hundreds of years the famous Dutch windmills were used to pump away water.

These days the windmills are there to remind the ocean to go screw itself.


The Hague

The Hague is the 3rd largest city in the Netherlands, and although the parliament meets there, it is NOT the capital. But did you notice the NAME of this city. It has a freakin’ ARTICLE at the beginning. The London or The Chicago sounds stupid, but The Hague is boss.

Also, much of the UN is run out of The Hague. They basically run the world there.


They are kind to gingers

Some people say gingers have no souls or that their red hair allowed them to command the element of fire (this is just what I learned in school). Holland has NO USE for your anti-ginger bias, and even has a giant redhead PARTY, bringing redheads from around together.


Dutch Girls

Some of my favorite European girls come from the land of dikes.



You like flowers? How about the world’s largest flower garden at Keukenhof. This is probably a good place for DATES.


Holland gave us New York

Back before those British bullies took it over, New York city was called New Amsterdam. That’s because it was founded by people from old Amsterdam, which is in HOLLAND. So Jay-Z, when you are rapping about your favorite city, remember that it wouldn’t even exist without the Dutch.



You like bacon? YES, YOU DO. Well, guess where a lot of that Bacon comes from? Supposedly over 70% of the world’s bacon comes from the Netherlands. HELL YEAH!

So yeah, that's Holland. Which country should we write about next week? Let us know in the poll below!


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