Funny Articles

7 Reasons Why You Have a Weird First Name

By  | 

I have a pretty standard first name. In fact, my school years were almost bereft of anyone with any kind of weird first name (sure, we had newly immigrated kids whose names we at first thought were funny, but we quickly realized that, in their home countries, they were just as boring as ours). We even had seventeen “Matts” spread out across three seventh grade classes. But we heard tell of kids with weird names, names so weird you couldn’t help but mock them (well, you could help it, but children are the worst). If your name is weird, there is a reason. I’ve put some thought into it, and if you want to know why you have a weird first name, I may have some answers for you…

You Were Allowed To Name Yourself

starbucks cup pawl

When some kids are old enough, they’re allowed to come up with their own name. The idea seems good in theory, because it gives the kid real agency over their identity, but you know what no one has ever accused a kid of being? Too sensible. So I hope you enjoy that first name, Spaceship. Blame it on your parents respecting you too much.

Your Parents Gave Their Pets Normal Names

starbucks cup stebie

Pets are for getting some of your stranger impulses out of your system. Want to have a living thing in your home named “Doctor Funk”? Absolutely man, go nuts. Now that you have, you can see what a strange thing that is to do, and thank God you didn’t do it to the kind of living thing that could be ridiculed at school! But when pets have names like “Steve” or “Wayne”, that leaves only the wee baby to solve some of these curiosities…

The Nurse Misheard Your Parents Right After You Were Born

starbucks cup for layite

Tough break, “Steemin”.

It Comes From A Popular TV Show

starbucks cup boliana

“Daenarys” was one of the most popular baby names in 2014, and some people even went so far as to name their baby “Khaleesi”, which I cannot even with that. Here’s the thing though — no popular TV show stays popular forever. Has any show stayed in the popular conscious for even a full decade? Maybe Star Trek, but that wasn’t ever as popular as Game of Thrones is now. So parents, give it a few years after the series finale, and then decide whether or not you want to name your baby “Dharma Initiative”.

Your Parents Are Rich

starbucks cup, vallury

Money really brings out the hubris in people. Because life has rewarded their decisions financially, they believe they can get away with whatever they want. Unfortunately, this extreme class arrogance will be the undoing of their children.

You’re From The Future

starbucks cup eeyon

… or at least, that’s what you should try telling everyone. Then, they might stop making fun of your name, lest they feel the wrath of your incredibly dangerous future tech.

Your Parents Lost A Bet

starbucks cup cark

If they hand’t been dumb enough to lose a bet to the COO of Chrysler, you wouldn’t be stuck with that name, would you, Fiat?


Are you haunted by your name? Let us know in the comments!


Check out 12 Movies That Got Ridiculous Edits For TV!