Funny Articles

Road Rage Revenge!

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I get it, you are upset.

I tend to be a kind person, a gentleman of sorts.

A goodly fellow well met and a enthusiast of all things nice. But there are those times. People in Phoenix are driven mad by the heat and might act in a way that they usually wouldn’t.


Case in point, I’m driving down one of our larger streets and its rush hour and hot. Most people just want to get home and out of the heat, others get all Jekyll and Hyde. I’m cruising along, doing the speed limit when a large truck appears in the rear view. He is weaving in and out of lanes apparently to get to the red light faster. I never understood this behavior but to each his own. I’m in the right lane, and he swerves in behind me in a maneuver that would make Batman proud.

I’m stopped dude!


I know you want to make a right but the lane I’m in goes straight as well, just wait the 25 seconds for the light to change and we are all good.

He wasn’t having it, he lays on the horn as if the sound is some Pavlovian key to make me change my intended route. Honk honk honk honk ,oh crap hes out of his car and headed my way.


Did I do something?

I didn’t flip him the bone nor make any aggressive moves. Time to go through the checklist. Windows up, check. Doors locked, check. Eyes forward, check. Secondary egress route planned, check. Radio tuned to 80’s music, check.


He gets up to my window and starts yelling. He is either calling me an ass or he wants to dance, I cant tell.


I don’t have time to explain that I’m partially deaf and I don’t think he wants to discuss my disabilities.

I have found that if you let these guys blow off steam they’ll go away plus I saw a cop three cars back getting interested in this man who’s blocking traffic and is out of his car and hopping mad in the street.

Now to be fair he might have been doing a jig instead of hopping but I digress.


He moves towards my windshield as to get in my face or at least as close as an inch of safety glass will allow. I was now in full freak out mode! I didn’t see a weapon and he never bashed my car or made for the door handles but now he was a foot away and as I finished my last chant of “serenity now” I lost all composure.

Have I ever told you about my incredibly powerful windshield water nozzles?

I am always amazed that the engineers of the Toyota Camry thought it’d be a good idea to attach fire hoses to bonnet of my car. Its not even the great force and large amount of water that comes out its the speed and trajectory. I almost think it would erode the glass if you used it too much. Its truly amazing!


So, I hit the wipers and not only does he get in the back but the water stream that does make it to the window hits the corner of the glass and bounces into his face. He backs away, the light turns green and I slowly drive off. The next red light I come to is only a few hundred meters ahead and I look in the rear view to see a soggy man on the sidewalk, head hung low as he talks to a cop.


I look to my left and see a car with 4 people, three laughing and one smiling and giving me not one,  but two thumbs up.

I guess the moral to this story (to answer that irate drivers questions) is YES. Yes, I am a total and complete tool.  


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