Secret Food Combinations That Shouldn’t Be Delicious (But Are)
Every year for St. Patrick’s Day, my great aunt gives all of us cousins a new blender, and every year it reaffirms my family’s decision to put her in the mental health facility where she still resides today. I mean, first of all, who gives out gifts on St. Patrick’s Day, and second, we all already HAVE blenders. She KNOWS this because SHE SENT US THE BLENDERS. But this year I decided to actually use this positively insane gift and I’ve discovered some amazing food combinations that I just had to share!
Kiwi + mango
A kiwi is always a little too tart while mangos are always a little too bland. Have you ever thought of combining them? They make a great smoothie together!
Pizza Hut pizza + pizza box
I discovered this food combination by throwing some leftover slices in the oven while it was still in the box. Surprisingly, letting the flavor of cardboard seep in really livened up that Pizza Hut pizza!
Wait, no. I thought about it for just thirty seconds and realized it’s not surprising at all.
Whipped cream and the girl from Varsity Blues
Steer heart + vanilla yogurt
This is the perfect smoothie to whip up if you need a quick shot of the strength and courage of a steer before work.
Instant cinnamon oatmeal + concept of infinity
A lot of instant oatmeal tastes starchy and bland, but that’s only until you realize that both it and you are the result of thousands and thousands of stars dying and becoming matter, building and rebuilding again and again until your molecules interact with oatmeal’s molecules in a way that changes everything and nothing, that is silent while it sings.
Kiwi + mango + grandma’s eyes
A kiwi is always a little too tart while mangos are always a little too bland and grandma’s eyes haven’t been good in years. Have you ever thought of combining them? They make a great smoothie together that will show you the future!
Entire bag of flour + framed picture of Ernest Hemingway
I’m eternally grateful to Mr. Martin, the teacher who introduced me to Hemingway in 11th grade. I believe he stole paintings of rats—big, giant rats—from the basements of other teachers while they slept. I’ll have to remember to send him a blender next year.
Which side of the family do you think people inherit mental illness from? Let us know in the comments below!