Smosh Guide to Getting Lucky on Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is coming up this Sunday, and one big question is on everybody’s mind: “Am I going to get lucky?”
We decided to do you a big favor and make this quick guide to determine how things are going to end up for you on V-Day.
DID YOU BUY CHOCOLATES?
Science has proven that buying chocolates increases your chances of getting lucky by approximately 12.9%.
If you ate the chocolates before you gave him/her the box, subtract your chances by 13.1%.
DOES THE RESTAURANT YOU CHOSE HAVE A DRIVE-THRU WINDOW?
You may think that going to a fast-food restaurant may be a surefire way to make sure that you don’t get lucky on Valentine’s Day. But we disagree.
Getting fast food to go just shows your commitment to spending more “quality time” with your loved one. Also an added bonus: you get to bond over stomach cramps after eating re-processed “beef” patties!
HAVE YOU SHOWERED IN THE PAST FOUR DAYS?
A little-known fact among those who don’t get lucky very often is that showering is kind of a big deal.
These people generally claim that their “pheromones” will win over their beloved.
You say pheromones, we say vomit-inducing B.O.!
ARE YOU IN PRISON?
If you are in prison and your cellmate is affectionately nicknamed “Smasher,” you have approximately 100% chance of getting “lucky.”
Who says crime doesn’t pay?
ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP?
If you answered yes…
WHAT PERCENTAGE OF YOUR MONTHLY INCOME DID YOU SPEND ON THE VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT/DINNER?
Ok, do you have that figure?
DOES THAT PERCENTAGE REALLY SHOW HOW MUCH YOU **REALLY** LOVE THAT PERSON?
I MEAN DOES THAT PERCENTAGE REALLY REALLY REALLY SHOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THAT PERSON? EVEN ENOUGH TO GET RID OF THE SHAME OF HIM/HER FINDING YOU MAKING OUT WITH HER SIBLING?
Ok, good. You might get laid. Next time shoot for multiple diamonds and you’re totally covered.
WHAT LEVEL ARE YOU IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT?
If you can even answer this question at all, there’s a good chance that you’re not getting lucky on Valentine’s Day.
The good news is that there will be lots of action in the Eastern Kingdoms.
DID YOU REMEMBER TO WIPE?
Professors at the International Institute for Getting Lucky have proven that remembering to wipe increases your chances of getting lucky by about 2085%.
Remember: always go double-ply to get extra coverage.
ARE YOU MARRIED?
Have fun arguing about finances!
ARE YOU FABIO?
Life is like a 365-day per year Valentine’s Day for Fabio. He practically invented the thing.
Fabio has already gotten lucky on Valentine’s Day and it hasn’t even happened yet. That’s how masterful he is.