Summer Fling Red Flags
You’ve dumped your high school boyfriend but that doesn’t mean you don’t want a honey to keep you company all summer long… am I right? Someone who is fun and cute and most importantly… easy to give the boot come fall. But because summer is only a few short months, you don’t really have time to waste on the dudes who are duds. Seeing any of these red flags is the dating equivalent of someone yelling ‘Shark!’ Doggie-paddle for your lives, ladies!
Disturbing Facebook Profile
Facebook is a great resource when trying to suss out the d-bags. Troubling signs might be status updates like “du Cosco sell rubbrs…BOOYAH!” or seeing that they ‘like’ The George Lopez Show. But their pictures will usually be the biggest red flag of all. For instance this guy’s ‘funny’ profile pic. There’s nothing funny about spending that much time magic-tooling Bieber’s head. Unfriend!
Will Get With Anyone
Is one of his exes an elderly homeless woman that he met doing mandatory community service at the soup kitchen? Do his friends tell disturbing tales of the American Pie-like behavior he exhibits when he gets drunk? Has he ever looked at a picture of a pretty unicorn and said, “I’d hit that”? Being with him will make you look stupid, especially after he cheats on you with a watermelon.
Summer is definitely a time when people should let loose and act a little crazier than they do during the rest of the year. Go para-sailing, eat a rattlesnake burger…WOOHOO, summer! Going wild doesn’t mean you stop tending to all personal hygiene or start acting like the world is your bathroom. Don’t get with a guy who reverts back to his animal nature.
He’ll Do Anything For A Laugh
This one is tricky. You want a fun guy who makes you laugh. But nobody wants to get down with a clown. It’s almost impossible to make out with a guy who has the shape of a penis sunburned onto his chest.
Absolutely No Game
Don’t feel pressured to hook up just because you don’t wanna be the last single standing. Dating isn’t musical chairs. Sometimes losing is winning. Especially if winning means hooking up with someone so unappealing that you spend the whole time he’s grinding up on you mocking him in texts to your friends.
Is he worse than Michael Jackson with the crotch-grabbing? Does he have a medicinal scent? Ask if you can borrow his phone… if he has the CVS pharmacy counter on speed dial… back away quickly. Those are not gnats.
Oompah Loompah Look-A-Likes
Do you really need some guy stealing all your bronzer? Plus, overly orange guys are always glued at the hip to their overly orange wingmen. If their appearance doesn’t scare you off, maybe the fact that you will always be making out next to another couple that is also making out will. Don’t you just love that moment when you’re hot and heavy with a guy and he high-fives another guy making out with another girl on the other side of the sofa? Yeah… didn’t think so.
Does he wear a trench coat to the beach because he’s allergic to sun? Does he ruin every cook-out by reminding everyone that BBQ is carcinogenic? Yes he seems like a nice respectful guy, but that really is a bible in his pocket and he’s only happy to see you so that he can tell you about his relationship with the Lord. Which is all well and good… just not at a kegger.
What are some of your red flags? Any summer fling horror stories? Let us know in the comments!