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Super Mario Bros. World Record Broken: IS YOUR AWE SUFFICIENTLY INSPIRED?

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I like to think everyone has one talent, deep down within them, that they’re better at than anyone else in the world. When a person finds that talent — LeBron James, Steve Jobs, or Kanye West, for example — watching them work can be awe-inspiring. But not everyone gets to have a sexy talent.

mario world record janitor
Somewhere out there is a janitor who is the all-time best at janitoring.

Somewhere between Barack Obama’s inherent proficiency in presidential politics and Nebraska senator Mike Johanns’ command of low-stakes state politics falls Youtuber Blubber, who last week proved to the world that he is the very best in the world at Super Mario Bros. for the NES, clocking in a record speed-run of the entire game at 4 minutes, 58 seconds. Watch the entire play through — it’s astonishing.

This is our generation’s moon landing.

Now, I know some will argue that being the best in the world at Super Mario Bros. is unimportant — after all, people still get cancer. Wouldn’t Youtuber Blubber have better spent his time with a microscope researching melanomas instead of with a controller researching Piranha Plant hit boxes?

mario record piranha plant jump
PICTURED: I mean, murder, essentially.

But what those people don’t understand is that it doesn’t matter what we’re great at, what matters is that we are great. There will always be a more noble cause worth fighting for, but what makes a talent matter is that it’s personal to us — that it comes from within us. Mankind is great in infinite ways — from basketball, to engineering, to science, to — yes — skill-based video games. We are inspired by the gifts of others, and that in turn inspires others. The act of shaming of someone for wasting their life pursuing a passion reveals that individual’s limited imagination. There is no end to the greatness that something as seemingly trivial as video games can bring about in the world.

So never, ever be ashamed of your gifts, whatever they may be. Use them to achieve something no one else can, and grow humanity as a whole.

mario record janitor baby
Shine on, janitor baby. Shine. On.

(That said, it’d be great if someone could get around to curing cancer already.)


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