Funny Articles

10 Super Weird Vending Machines

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Whenever you see an article about weird-ass vending machines, the vast majority (if not all of ‘em) are located overseas. It makes sense–there’s a lot of wacky stuff across the pond, especially in Japan. But y’know what? The good ol’ US of A has the ability to outcrazy those crazies. Peep these bizarre American vending machines and tell me we can’t compete with the rest of the world’s weirdness. That’s the power of American Pride, baby!


The Burrito Box

super weird vending machines the burrito box


The Burrito Box is a new burrito vending machine, located in a West Hollywood convenience store, that the media is currently going ape about–dozens of blogs and TV stations have done pieces on it. All it does, though, is microwave a burrito and charge you extra for Tabasco, which, IMHO, tastes like crap when put in a burrito. The only thing weird about the Burrito Box, really, is that people gave a damn about it.


The Beautiful Vending Styler

super weird vending machines hair straightener


OK, so this bad boy is used primarily in the UK, but that’s pretty much like the U.S., right? It’s a vending machine that, for £1, will let you flat iron your hair for two minutes. According to the machine’s website, “The saviour of bad hair days has arrived, the Beautiful Vending Styler machine is now available in clubs, bars, gyms and shopping centres; so for those occasions when sleek and sexy turns to shock and horror, we have the solution.” You’ll never look like a drowned rat again!


Sprinkles Cupcakes ATM

super weird vending machines sprinkles cupcake atm


The original Cupcake ATM was located in Beverly Hills, home of decadent idiocy. There’s now one in Chicago, where you can buy $4 s’mores cupcakes for yourself and Doggie Cupcakes for your mutt at all hours of the night.


The Semi-Automatic

super weird vending machines luxury goods


The vending machine at the Mondrian South Beach Hotel, called the Semi-Automatic, allows you to buy insanely expensive, superfluous merchandise that’ll have you asking, “what recession?” From $90,000 Bentleys to $350 gold handcuffs, if you have a buttload of f-you money burning a hole in your pocket, this is the machine of your dreams. Prices range from $10 to $1.2 million–you can even buy a condo via the damn thing.


The Caviar Vending Machine

super weird vending machines caviar


This insane dispensary is located in the Burbank, California mall, as well as two other malls in the Los Angeles area. The machines, each of which hold $50,000 in inventory, sell both caviar and caviar accessories like tiny spoons and toast. (NOTE: The last time I went to the Burbank mall, it was gone…let’s hope just for repairs. If that machine’s out of the mix completely, how am I supposed to get my fix of $500 Imperial River Beluga at noon on a Sunday?)


Let’s Pizza

super weird vending machines let’s pizza


Let’s Pizza machines have allegedly been in the US for about six months, but I have yet to see one. The damn things literally make pizza from scratch, including the dough, in a little over two minutes. Impressive, right? Each machine offers four different varieties of ‘za, and you can watch it be made through a window in the side. Fun!!!


Leon’s Grill Hot Dogs

super weird vending machines hot dogs


Looking for something a little more downmarket that caviar and freshly made pizza? For $2, you can get a piping hot hot dog from one of Leon’s Grill’s vending machines. It only takes a minute to heat up the bun and dog, so you get your tube of random, disgusting meats in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. Hot dogs contain lamb’s tails, right?



super weird vending machines ice cream


This ice cream vending machine lets you choose from a buttload of flavors and toppings, which means you can concoct up to 96 unique combinations of sweetness. With flavors like Cake Batter and White Chocolate Raspberry, and toppings like M&M’s and Cookies ‘n’ Cream, you’re spoilt for choice.



super weird vending machines 3d printer


At Virginia Tech, a 3D printing station that allows you to print the design of your choice goes by the intense name DreamVendor. According to its website, you should “think of it as a vending machine with an infinite inventory.” Whoa.


The Intelligent Color Experience

super weird vending machines makeup


Late last year, L’Oréal opened a vending machine at NYC’s 42nd Street-Bryant Park subway station that used cameras to match cosmetics to women’s outfits. The “Intelligent Color Experience” ran through the holiday season, and sold products that ranged from $5.99 to $9.99 (pretty reasonable, considering how high tech the whole thing was).


What’s the oddest thing you’ve ever bought out of a vending machine? Let me know in the comments!


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