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Superheroes Who Would Benefit From Therapy

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Therapy is good. You should go to therapy. But you know who could really use some therapy? The fictional superheroes we all love so much. A real bunch of head cases, if you ask me. Here are some of the most egregious examples!

Batman

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It’s long been a joke that Batman it’s the king of superheroes who need therapy. But it’s truly wild that his butler, who supposedly cares about him so much, at no point said “Hey, instead of donning this whole animal vigilante persona, maybe you could just talk to someone or something?” Because that doesn’t seem to have happened, I have to assume that Batman is a secret furry and this is how he can low-key do it without admitting it.

Spider-Man

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This whole “with great power comes great responsibility” thing is true, but I’m worried that Peter Parker has internalized his deceased uncle’s motto in an unhealthy way. “Great responsibility” doesn’t mean “literally sacrifice every part of your life for other people”. How can you take care of other people if you don’t take care of yourself? (This is the “oxygen mask” philosophy — you put your own oxygen mask on during a plane emergency before you help someone else with theirs.) Also, someone needs to get through to Peter that Uncle Ben’s death wasn’t his fault; he could’ve stopped that mugger and then Uncle Ben could’ve just gotten run over by a car, or attacked by wild dogs, or even shot by an even more cruel mugger. New York is a tough city, man.

The Living Tribunal


Boy, what kind of narcissistic personality disorder do you have to have to think you should be the arbiter over every cosmic judgement in the universe?

The Runaways

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If my parents revealed themselves to be super villains, and then I was personally betrayed by one of the only other five people who I thought understood this plight, I would maybe want to talk to someone about it. And that someone would be a professional someone, not another teen who had also been through the same trauma.

Catwoman

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Look lady, Batman is never going to settle down. You’ve got to move on. Maybe deal with whatever problems you have that lead to you being attracted to guys like that in the first place.

Spawn

via GIPHY

Spawn surely has a number of issues that would be valuable to investigate. He almost assuredly has PTSD from his time in the military and the CIA and, oh right, also dying and coming back to life. Spawn’s also murdered a lot of people, both innocent and less so. And on top of all that, he’s all weird-looking. I’m on antidepressants and I just have mood swings, so I can’t imagine what Spawn would need.

My Dad

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My father is my original superhero! But also yes, he should go see a therapist.

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