Funny Articles

Ted Cruz Talks… Simpsons? Pop Culture News Roundup With I, Dancia (February 22nd 2018)

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Wow, what a week! A lot of things happened, many of them to me. For instance, I, Danica, both went to the beach and got a suntan AND found out I’m being audited! A lot of people get worried when they get audited, but not me! It just means the IRS is gonna want to sit down and talk with me about my favorite subject: me! Also whether or not I committed rampant tax fraud. Anyhow, let’s find out what went down this week in pop culture!!

Payday 2 is getting an outdated version on Nintendo Switch


The multiplayer crime shooter game Payday 2 hit the Nintendo Switch this week, and though you’d think everyone would want to pull off bank heists on the go, a lot of game players are not happy. Apparently, developer Starbreeze released the game on Switch with fewer updates than the PC game. That means buying this game BRAND NEW TODAY gets you an older version of the game!

And I know it sucks to buy something and then realize it’s old. One time I bought an avocado at the grocery store and when I cut into it at home, I found out it was already spoiled! But I couldn’t go back to get a new one because I was tired, so I ate the old one. I almost died!

Mattel has a Tomb Raider Barbie


To celebrate the upcoming Tomb Raider movie, Mattel is releasing a Lara Croft Barbie doll. And I think this is so great — finally, women with well-toned shoulders (like moi) are being represented!

Ted Cruz says Democrats are the party of Lisa, while Republicans are the party of Homer, Marge, Bart, and Maggie


Texas Senator Ted Cruz gave a talk at the Conservative Political Action Conference this week, and when talking about the differences between the Republican and Democratic parties, said, The Democrats are the party of Lisa Simpson and Republicans are happily the party of Homer, Bart, Maggie and Marge.”

This is a dumb thing to say, because Lisa is both thoughtful and kind and reasonable and intelligent, while Homer is an idiot, Bart is a dick, Maggie is a baby (objectively the dumbest form of person), and Marge is, well, she’s fine. Whatever. The point is, what is the best “Which Simpsons Character Are You?” online quiz? I don’t know who to vote for. Or who’s running. Or when the election is. I’m patriotic!

Mark Hamill getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame


The guy who played Star Wars in the blockbuster series Star Wars is getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. That makes him a bonafide celebrity! And since I’ve been retweeted by Mark Hamill, I’m a celebrity now too!

KFC issues apology for running out of chicken at hundreds of UK locations


After shutting down most of their 900 locations across the UK and Ireland for a week due to a few “teething” problems with their new delivery company, KFC issued an apology poster to disgruntled patrons that read, “FCK”. Wow, this company just cannot stop making mistakes. First the lack of chicken, now the spelling of their own name? Disgraceful.

Snapchat responds to their redesign backlash


After everyone complained about the app’s new design, Snap, Inc. put out a statement: “We hear you, and appreciate that you took the time to let us know how you feel. We completely understand the new Snapchat has felt uncomfortable for many”. They also said they’d allow users to further customize the app in an upcoming update. Kylie Jenner has already come out and said she’s “over it”, and for once I have to agree with my one and only social media rival. I’m also over it, and I have already sold all my Snap, Inc. stocks. And I had a lot. Like, 20.

Joss Whedon drops out of writing/directing Batgirl


Joss Whedon announced this week he would not be directing Batgirl for Warner Bros., saying he just didn’t have a story. Now that Warner Bros. is looking for a new writer, I have a ton of ideas. So far, my best one is me being cast as Batgirl. I’ve already tweeted the studio to set up a meeting.

JJ Abrams has finished writing Episode IX


JJ Abrams has said that he has finished writing Star Wars: Episode IX, which is due for release in December of 2019. I’m very happy that JJ wrote this one because it never made sense to me to have folk singer and Mandy Moore’s ex husband, Ryan Adams, write and direct The Last Jedi. I didn’t even see it because I hate folk music so much. Too many metaphors. I’m real.

That’s it for the pop culture updates and rumors and the like for this week! Let us know what pop culture is your favorite on Twitter @Smosh!