Funny Articles

7 Things Chronically Late People Know

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Hi. My name is Ashley and I am a chronically late person (just ask my editors). There are two types of people who are late — those who are chronically late and those who are a-holes. People in the latter category don’t really care about being late; they just are and it doesn’t bother them and everyone has to deal with it. Personally, I hate being late. I think it’s one of my worst qualities. Being chronically late sucks because most of us aren’t doing it on purpose. Here are seven things all chronically late people know.

1. You actually do plan on leaving on time, believe it or not

late alarm

Really! You set alarms, include travel time when you make events in your calendar, and arrange for a carrier pigeon to notify you when to leave. And yet, you never quite make it out the door on time. Usually that’s because you’re terrible at either time management or processing time the way other people do. For me, I think, “oh, this thing I have to do before I go will just take five minutes” when really, that five minutes is more like twenty and now I’m f*cking late.

2. Your friends, depending on how long you’ve known each other, wearily accept your profuse apologies

late sigh

If you have friends like mine, they’ve just become accustomed to your tardiness and often bring along headphones or a book to pass the time while they wait for you to show up. Apologies, while appreciated, are waved away. This is now just a quality in you they’ve come to accept.

3. If your friends are smart, they actually ask you to meet up earlier than intended

late lie

This is a great trick a few of my friends have implemented — if they want me to show up for the 8:30 pm showing of Fifth Element on 35mm where there’s no reserved seating, they tell me to meet up at 7:45. Half the time, I know what they’re doing, but I don’t mind because it helps me be on time (except in the cases where I’m actually early for once).

4. Everyone is shocked AF when you’re actually early for once

late shock

One time I snapchatted that I was early for lunch with a friend and another friend responded, “LMAO BITCH WHERE”. Everyone expresses shock differently. Some friends might accuse you of being a pod person or of not adjusting your clocks for Daylight Savings. It’s one of those once in a blue moon-type miracles.

5. “I’ll be there soon/ in five minutes” is your most common lie

late soon

Half the time, you haven’t even changed or gotten ready yet. Other common lies include, “traffic was so bad!” and “I was looking for parking for, like, twenty minutes.”

6. You’ve had to push back the time of your party or gathering at least twice.

late cleaning

Hosting is no joke and chronically late people tend to have terrible time management. That means we find ourselves scrambling to get sh*t together when people are coming to our house. I just hosted a Galentine’s Day brunch that I had to push back one hour because I wasn’t ready for people to be in my home. But some friends know what’s up and will come over to help set up so you can hop in the shower.

7. The best feeling is someone telling you they’re also running late

late victory

That’s when the universe smiles on you and all that lateness-induced anxiety evaporates. Then, you no longer have sweaty palms over someone waiting on you.

Are you a chronically late person? Let’s talk about our lateness on Twitter!