8 Things That Need To Be Banned From Facebook In 2012
It's that time of year, when we all pretend we're going to stop bad habits and start new good ones. I personally feel that there are a ton of bad Facebook habits that people need to quit in 2012. And I also know that, just like the promise to drop a few pounds or to limit your internet use will quickly fall to the wayside, so will the promises to clean up your act on Facebook. That's why they just need to be banned all together. Here's my list of things I want gone from Facebook in 2012!
Poking was never cool or fun. In fact it's kind of like the online equivalent of unwanted sexual advances. In real life if you constantly poked someone you would probably get a WTF? Or a punch so hard you'd be bleeding out of one or more of your face holes.
The Real-time Scroll
My problem with the scroll isn't that it's aesthetically unpleasing. I don't care about that. Facebook isn't exactly the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. I don't like the fact that my thirteen-year-old cousin/grandmother/boss sees every rude and/or disgusting comment I make with my like-minded foul and filthy friends. I also don't 'like' the fact that everyone sees that I 'liked' something like Oreos or Taco Bell. You'd better believe that with my friends, the snide comments roll out faster than a Burrito Supreme induced bathroom visit.
Stupid Activism Updates
I'm one of the 95% who won't post this. So let's just stop it all together. I don't like that the 5% get to feel all superior about themselves when they've DONE NOTHING TO ACTUALLY HELP THE CAUSE! And this goes for the whole 'changing your profile pic to your favorite Fat Albert character to bring awareness to the childhood obesity epidemic' dealios too.
ONCE YOU'VE READ THE FIRST WORD OF THIS YOU CANT GET OUT. READ ON OR DIE TONIGHT AT 10:35 P.M. If you have ever written a sentence like that on Facebook, you are failing at life. Stop enabling people to fail at life in this way, Facebook. You already give us more than enough ways to do that.
Seeing Mutual Friends' Wall-To-Walls
Is there anything worse than having to see a wall-to-wall between two of your friends talking about the great time they had the night before together while you were sitting at home watching a Bad Girls Club marathon? That happens to me all the time. It's not that I would go, but I feel as a friend you should invite me and allow me the dignity of turning you down because there's a Bad Girls Club marathon on.
RIPing Someone You Don’t Know Or Really Care About
Facebook should just send out notifications when a famous or sort of famous person dies. Then I wouldn't have to bear the sight of a fourteen-year-old 'mourning' the death of the old dude from MASH or using the term RIP for people like Osama bin Laden and Kim Jong-Il. This rush to RIP-ing can also make people freak out. Like when someone misguidedly claimed that Jon Bon Jovi was dead. I'm still recovering from that one.
Posting More Than Four Things An Hour
This is Facebook. Not Twitter.
Facebook should implement a 24-hour ban on discussing TV shows or sporting events after they air. Hello? We live in the age of DVR. Not everyone watches things as they air. Writing SPOILER ALERT doesn't count. Neither do bad attempts at being subtle…OMG! can NOT believe that just happened on Dexter. SO. MUCH. Blood. You're not being subtle. You're being annoying. And I'll never forgive one of my 'friends' for ruining the season eight finale of Project Runway for me. Even though she was technically joking and couldn't help that it turned out to be true.
What would you like to see banned from Facebook in 2012? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!